On this day...in 1994, a school dance provides no tension or drama at all on ABC's "My So-Called Life." It's just that Brian wants to go with Angela who would rather go with Jordan, while gay teen Rickie wants to attend with Corey, who'd rather go with Rayanne. Nah, to complicated. Let's watch "Friends" instead.

"The fix is in." On underwriting credits for the "Newshour" on PBS, NPR programs, and countless ads on Sunday morning public affairs shows like "This Week", Archer-Daniels Midland portrays itself as the "Supermarket to the World." A very different picture is painted on a "This American Life" devoted to one story - the story of price fixing by ADM told in Kurt Eichenwald's book "The Informant." A story you didn't see in any detail on the Newshour. And it wasn't because of a lack of images - the site for the book has a page with videos and photos (as well as transcripts). The program airs this weekend on public radio stations and is also online in real audio. The TAL site also has excerpts from the book.

The new New York. In Sunday's New York Times Magazine, Lynn Hirschberg talks with Sidney Lumet (''100 Centre Street'' and the movie "Network"), Darren Star (''Sex and the City''), and Paul Simms (''News Radio'') about "How TV Will Deal With the New New York." Too bad John Wells didn't have Lumet's attitude:

HIRSCHBERG [to LUMET]: You do a show set in New York. Are you planning to incorporate anything about Sept. 11 into ''100 Centre Street''?

LUMET: No. I don't think we should touch it.

HIRSCHBERG: Why not?

LUMET: It was a cataclysm. The worst that I know of in 50 years. Anything you might try to do would turn out sentimental. It's the very definition of sentimentality -- you're not creating the emotion; the emotion is happening because of an echo that has nothing to do with the work you're doing. So right away, that's exploitative.

Also, no matter what you say about television -- good, bad or indifferent -- it exists for only one reason. It exists to sell something. And I don't think it's right to use subject matter like this to sell something.

The special issue also has "Songs for the City" by Lou Reed, "Urinetown" creators Greg Kotis and Mark Hollman, and Run-D.M.C. The first two have sheet music, but unfortunately there are no MP3s.

FAM turns yellow. Tonight at 1 a.m., the Fox chapter of The Family Channel officially ends after three underwhelming years. At 7 a.m. tomorrow morning, The Walt Disney Co. will take over the cable channel and call it ABC Family. Although for now the daytime cartoons and teen-pop shows and nighttime mixed bag will remain the same (Disney purchased all of Fox Family's programming contracts and back libraries along with the channel), Disney hopes to eventually "re-purpose" entertainment, news and sports programming from their various holdings on ABC Family. They're also inheriting that 16-ton weight called "The 700 Club." In buying the network from Pat Robertson, Fox had to agree to continue to air the "religious" program three times a day. This writer personally hopes that Michael Eisner has not forgotten Robertson and Jerry Falwell's outrageous statements about Sept. 11 being "God's punishment" to America and will do something about it.

How to handle hoaxes. If anyone deserves to be called an authority on the relationship between hoaxes and the news media, it's Joey Skaggs. He's pulled off some of the best-loved media hoaxes of all time (my favorite: getting onto CNN with his "findings" that a computer had re-tried O.J. Simpson for murder and found him guilty). But more than that, Skaggs is a theorist who uses his pranks to test the media's gullibility and expose flaws in the newsgathering process.
His latest salvo is a response to a New York Times article this week on anthrax hoaxes. In his online commentary, Skaggs chides the media for its overheated response to the thousands of reported anthrax sightings, most of which turned out to be bogus. "The news media is not handling the situation in such a way as to dissuade these hoaxes," writes Skaggs.

True to its word. Have you been watching "Politically Incorrect" lately? It's been amazing. Maher and his guests are saying things in the dead of night that you wouldn't hear on CNN even if it did 48 hours of news a day. Last night's broadcast (transcript) was typical, with filmmaker Michael Moore, Nixon memoirist Monica Crowley and actors Jeff Bridges and Ted Danson lashing the House's so-called "stimulus" bill and armchair-quarterbacking our Afghanistan strategy.
It's not everybody's cup of tea but I find it invigorating. Disney executives probably find it unnerving. But as Paul Harris pointed out to me, "The week after ABC cancels 'Politically Incorrect,' you watch, HBO is going to give Bill a show and he'll be able to say anything he wants on it.' "

This rates a mention. Deep into Marc Berman's Friday Mediaweek column is a surprising ratings tidbit: Wednesday's broadcast of the "CMA Awards" on CBS actually beat NBC's three-hour drama block in total viewers. The overnight ratings showed NBC as the winner on Wednesday.

Say what? Remember the "Gator Urine" incident on "Late Show with David Letterman" a few weeks back? Recall how intrepid TV Barn readers figured out that CBS had struck those two words from a Letterman comedy bit, but failed to remove them from the show's closed captioning. As it turns out, that incident has had permanent repercussions. According to TV Barn reader Joe Clark, CBS has ordered a change in the way "Late Show" is captioned. It will now be done in real time, so that words bleeped on air will be sure to be bleeped in captioning. But viewers who have cherished CC's attention to detail in the past will also lose out -- the captioners will no longer tell us what songs Paul Shaffer and the band are playing, or capture any of the other little details that make the Letterman show special. It is, as Joe rightly noted, "a miserable course of action."

Give me 5. As you can probably guess, I receive a heckuva lot more videotapes for upcoming TV programs than I ever get a chance to review in print or online. This has inspired me to embark on a little experiment. It's a sub-blog I call "5 Minute Reviews." Check it out.

Lisa Schmeiser is beautiful when she's angry. She has some suggestions about how to fix the Emmys.

On this day...in 1993, temperamental Angie Dickinson doesn't want her career reviewed on Ralph Edward's "This Is Your Life" and storms off in a glorious pastel huff, becoming the first person in the series' 500 episodes ever to refuse the honor.

Remote Patrol: Baby if you ever wondered... The former Dr. Johnny Fever guests on ABC's "Thieves," while "Diagnosis Murder" refugee Charlie Schlatter voices one of Nickelodeon's Butt Ugly Martians. "Saved by the Bell's" Zac gets offed on "L&O:SVU." Whither "Mr. Belvedere's" Brice Beckham?

KQED president to join Irvine Foundation. The James Irvine Foundation announced today that KQED president Mary Bitterman will leave the San Francisco PBS affiliate in February to become President and CEO of the foundation. While KQED is far from perfect, it is in far better shape now than when Bitterman joined the station in 1993. The station was an early innovator in public television, but was regularly criticized and had major budget problems under Tony Tiano who was president from 1978 to 1993. It will be interesting to see who KQED hires to replace Bitterman. Friday update: John Carman's story in the Chronicle has more details. He also writes about Cox Broadcasting executive vice president Kevin O'Brien resigning to become president of Meredith Broadcasting which owns twelve television station. O'Brien was also general manager of San Francisco Fox affiliate KTVU from 1985 until earlier this year and was responsible for building the best televison news department in the Bay area.

Mark Burnett: suuuuuuper genius... "Survivor" pulled another fast one tonight. The amazing spectacular thing that happened in the first 15 minutes is ... (SPOILER ahead: highlight to read)... that Burnett picked contestants from each side and made them switch tribes, thus breaking up virtually every alliance. Although as one might expect, some plan on working against their new teammates.

"24" finishes fourth. The good news is that Tuesday's premiere of "24" won the ratings race in the 18 to 34-year-old demographic. The bad news is, Fox usually wins that demo, and "24" Fox's finished fourth overall, not a great return on the network's heavy promotional investment. The broadcast, which is repeating 9 p.m. Friday and on Sunday and Monday nights on FX, finished behind "NYPD Blue" (15 million viewers), NBC's "Frasier" and "Scrubs" (12.7 million average) and even "The Guardian" on CBS. USA Today also notes that "24" lost viewers halfway through, "which is a troubling sign."

"Cheap Channel" strikes again. In his 21 years as news director and morning drive anchor at Louisville AM radio powerhouse WHAS, Brian Rublein ran a model news shop that won awards and respect. His employees loved him. So why is station owner Clear Channel Communications firing him this week? The company known to many as "Cheap Channel" isn't saying--but it's believed that Rublein was around too long and too high-priced for the company. Besides, it's hard to do Peabody Award-winning journalism when your shop now spends much of its time cranking out headline newscasts for other Clear Channel-owned stations in Kentucky.

Remote Patrol: Everything you know is wrong Survivor! Anthrax! Ticks! Death! Fast Cars! Horny singles in the tropics! (Programming delays of "Must See D.C.") What? None of these are on PAX?

Attack Iraq? Tonight on PBS, "Frontline" airs "Gunning for Saddam" which looks at whether to expand the current "war on terrorism." Correspondent Lowell Bergman interviews advocates of military action as well as critics of the U.S.'s failure to support Iraqis who rose up at the end of the Gulf War against Saddam (for an exploration of this topic, rent the excellent "Three Kings"). Others, though, warn Bergman that an expansion of the war would tear apart the already fragile coalition. Indeed, London's Independent reports today that staunch ally Tony Blair has warned Bush not to attack Iraq. The New York Times has an article today based on interviews for the program with defectors who say terrorists were trained at Iraqi camps.
One option not addressed by "Frontline" is attempting to revive UN weapons inspections. The series looked at this in detail in 1999 in "Spying on Saddam," and also focused on Iraq in "The Survival of Saddam" last year and its "The Gulf War" miniseries in 1996. (The Web sites for all three programs are extensive and worth a look.) Why "Frontline" evades this possibility tonight is a mystery, as is its failure to note past U.S. support for Saddam (including supplies from the West which could be used in weaponry). That said, "Frontline" is the real must-see TV tonight.

On this day...in 1989, "Mystery Science Theater 3000" launches at speeds of at least "mock 5."And from our Late Show News files: on this day in 1991, one day after disclosing his HIV positive status, Magic Johnson is interviewed by friend Arsenio Hall. "The Arsenio Hall Show" delivers a 9.9 rating that night, highest in its history. Heavily edited reruns of the series begin airing as the "Best of Arsenio Hall Jams" next Monday on VH1. (Also see ESPN.Com's look back, entitled "Magic still stunning the world.")

CBS station cheated with live broadcast. Pittsburgh's KDKA -- a Viacom station and holder of one of broadcasting's most historic call letters -- got caught with its hand in the cookie jar. In this case it involved a video-compression device, used widely in the TV industry to speed up or slow down programming, usually so one or two extra commercials can be squeezed in per half-hour. Stations carrying "Oprah" have done it for years, and HBO has used the machine to get movies to end on the half-hour. But when KDKA compressed a recent Pittsburgh Steelers football game (without telling anyone), it violated the NFL's contract with CBS, which specifically states that all games must be telecast l-i-v-e. EM's article gives the amusing details about the reporter who caught the station in the act, as well as the station's equally amusing denials. But some insiders say KDKA's sin is evidence of a much bigger problem among all CBS-owned stations: They're under intense pressure from Viacom CEO Mel Karmazin to deliver higher ad sales and bigger profit margins by any means necessary. One senses that KDKA management is upset, not that the rules were broken, but that the station was singled out for punishment.

E-mail problem. If you sent me an e-mail sometime in the last month or two and never got a reply, and were expecting one, chances are it wasn't you, it was me. Or rather, my poorly designed Road Runner mail server.
It all started when I began taking a laptop to and from work. The laptop has become my main computer. I now send and receive all e-mail on it. At first, though, Road Runner wouldn't let me send any outgoing mail from work, because the laptop was connected to the Internet server at work, not Road Runner. My e-mail program would beep and back would come my message with an error attached. Unless I was logged into RR, it said, I couldn't use RR's servers to deliver my mail. (Would that the U.S. Postal Service kept such tabs on outgoing letters!) I learned to change the settings temporarily so the Star's computer would deliver the mail. This was a clunky method, but at least the mail went through.
A few weeks ago, however, the beeping stopped and suddenly, RR began accepting my messages from work. But as it turns out, the mail was never sent. It just vanished, or was sent to that den of fire techies often refer to as "/dev/null." I've fixed the problem but only after sending out hundreds of e-mails from work. I've re-sent many of those errant e-mails, but if you're still waiting for a response from me, please drop me a line. And please accept my apologies.

Modest, too. In tonight's Remote Patrol, Tom mentions that Jerry Falwell has been telling everyone to watch his "Biography" special, airing tonight. For the record, here is what Falwell recently wrote to his supporters: "This is the story of a small-town boy who was used by God to initiate a worldwide ministry and a world-class Christian university. I am frequently humbled by the fact that God chose to use me in this way and am a little reluctant to promote a television special on my own life, but I thought my friends would like to know that A&E would be airing this broadcast."

What were they thinking? Concerned viewers and advertisers of Macon, Ga., ABC affiliate WPGA flooded the station's switchboard and Web site after an on-air announcement began running this weekend strongly hinting that owner Register Communications was about to pull the plug on the station. In the spot, a Register executive is shown telling viewers that, due to the soft ad market and recent events, after Tuesday's 6 p.m. newscast, "we'll be off" -- and at that moment the screen went to a test pattern. It got to the point that the local cable company was preparing to switch from WPGA to Atlanta's ABC affiliate after Tuesday. Guess what? It was a gimmick to call attention to WPGA's annual holiday food drive. The full tagline, which a station anchor read after Tuesday's newscast, was, "We'll be off and running." The president of family-owned Register said WPGA wanted to do something "a little different (that) would draw attention." Boy, did they ever.

On this day...in 1965, a commercial break during "The Ed Sullivan Show" launches the career of doughboy "Poppin' Fresh," speaking on behalf of the Pillsbury corporation. Hee-hee.

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Numbering the shows

I'm reminded by Tom Shales' review of "24" to clarify a point that has probably been lost amidst all the "24" hype. I wrote that "24" was the "best new show of the fall." Headline writers at my newspaper turned this into "best new show of the year." In fact, "24" isn't even the second best new show of the year. That honor belongs to A&E's quietly compelling "100 Centre St.," which in turn is exceeded by the even quieter and even more compelling "Six Feet Under" on HBO.

Furthermore, as any seasoned TV critic will readily confess, many a show has launched with a single promising episode only to soar disastrously off its trajectory in later episodes. (Last year, many of us held our breath hoping that "Ed" would deliver on its quirky and clever pilot; eventually, it did.) "Six Feet Under's" first episode was a study in nonrepresentation: All of the regular characters in that first hour seemed shrill, unpleasant people -- who would want to spend any more time with them? To viewers' credit, they did, and were rewarded with some of the most humanistic hours of television all year.

By further comparison, a show like "100 Centre St." appears to be nothing out of the ordinary at first. Only upon repeated viewings does its special character start to come through. Obviously Alan Arkin's Judge Rifkind is the star of most episodes, but he barely factors in others, and we discover that Sidney Lumet's people have cast some very fine actors in supporting or guest roles. Also, the unusual way "100 Centre St." is filmed -- multiple hi-def cameras going at once, with minimal takes, to preserve as much spontaneity and unrehearsed emotion as possible -- is a taste acquired over time.

Of course I want "24" to succeed. I always welcome a chance to revise my rankings of a TV show. Upward, that is. As enjoyable and thrilling as that first hour was, "24" still has 23 hours to improve.

P.S. Never mind that plan to post the first eight minutes of last night's "24" premiere. It's re-airing 9 p.m. Friday on Fox and again Sunday and Monday nights on FX. Plenty of chances to see what you missed during the Spike-Buffy kiss.

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We get letters. A sad footnote to the "West Wing" Vermont-Ontario goof, and a viewer who's really gonna miss Geraldo. Just added to Reader Mail.

Beats reruns. Another Flash production I can recommend heartily: "Laid-Off: A Day in the Life," which appears on the site of its creator, known as Odd Todd. The movie took about half a minute to download using Road Runner. It contains bad language and even worse penmanship.

Good news for the tapeless. If you have no visible means of catching both the final eight minutes of tonight's extra-long "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" musical special and Fox's "24," fear not: We will post what happens in the first eight minutes of "24" tomorrow on TV Barn. (Actually, if you've read the reviews below, you already know pretty much what happens in the first act.)

About time, eh? Finally, someone in the media has gotten around to picking up the Toronto Globe and Mail item, posted here a month ago, about the reference to a mythical "Vermont-Ontario border" in the Oct. 3 episode of "The West Wing." And it wasn't even a reporting job; Broadcasting & Cable simply passed along the objections to the episode voiced Tuesday by Canada's foreign minister.

BBC probes Bush's blind spot. The BBC's "Newsnight" looks into the connection between the CIA and Saudi Arabia tonight. The piece is reported by investigative journo Greg Palast, according to Palast's Web site. "The Bushes and the Bin Ladens. Did their connections cause America to turn a blind eye to terrorism?" asks Palast. The live broadcast is at 10:30pm London time and will be available from the Beeb in streaming video for 24 hours. After that Palast's Web site will carry the stream.

KGO not so good. I agree with the Mediaweek assessment (see below)that WISH-TV in Indianapolis is a good local station. I remember that seeing Mike Ahern anchor in the 80s and getting a tour of the newsroom from one of the reporters when I was young helped spark my interest in journalism. But KGO in San Francisco, another Mediaweek pick, probably has the worst local news of any major network affiliate here. There was barely any coverage of local issues and candidates leading up to the elections taking place today. KTVU, the Cox owned Fox affiliate, does much better local news. But not since KQED's "Newsroom" was cancelled in the mid-70s has there been a local TV news program that has lived up to the high education level and diverse viewpoints of the Bay Area.

Good local TV. Believe it or not, there are stations out there that make a ton of money and still please viewers and advertisers. Mediaweek has found 10 of them, all part of station groups, all long-established stations in their markets, all but one affiliates of ABC, CBS or NBC. They are New York's WNBC, Chicago's WGN (notwithstanding its recent canning of Bozo the Clown), San Francisco's KGO, Atlanta's WSB, Detroit's WXYZ, Houston's KHOU, Tampa's WFLA, Baltimore's WBAL, Indianapolis' WISH and Sioux Falls, S.D.'s KELO. Another thing the stations have in common: Strong, respected news operations.

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"24's" 9-11 emergency call

As Fox's promos remind us seemingly every 15 minutes, TV Guide called "24" the "best new show of the season." So did nearly every TV critic in America, because "24" has all the things critics love: brilliant concept, dazzling visuals, star power and taut, suspenseful writing. This summer it was all anyone in the industry could talk about.

But that was before Sept. 11. Before the unthinkable became thinkable. Before planes blowing up in the sky became the world's most shocking video. Before the unimaginable broke loose from imagination's grip and took over CNN.

After Sept. 11, Fox publicity hastily pulled the promos for "24" off the air. It took out the scene with the exploding airplane. Then the promos resumed nonstop.

On the set of "24," people were taking the news hard. For two or three weeks not much happened. Kiefer Sutherland, the star of the show, was immobilized by depression.

Read my story in the Kansas City Star

ALSO:

• Barnhart review of "24"
• Other picks to click: the "Buffy" musical, more

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Remote Patrol: Heck, buy two TiVos! It's as bad as Steve Rhodes says ("Too much on Tuesday," below), only worse.

Public broadcasting's woes. The LA Times reports that PBS is cutting staff by 10 percent through layoffs and "attrition," i.e., not filling at least some of those job openings I was looking at. This follows a 9 percent cut in March. The place for the most complete coverage of public broadcasting is Current, a bi-weekly newspaper. They don't put all of their content online, but there are still many excellent articles on the site. "Public Square," a new weekly program which was supposed to debut next year in the slot "Live 360" is now in on Fridays has an uncertain future and there may be a series on the response to terrorism instead. Other recent pieces include an updated story on the settlement at Pacifica Radio, a planned sonic 9/11 memorial from "Lost and Found Sound" and other public radio producers, and a survey of series which will air on PBS in the future including programs on Islam and a history of Chicago.

Too much on Tuesday. Tom will run down even more choices soon, but tonight has to be one of the most crowded and confusing nights for viewing choices on network television in recent memory. At 8 p.m., there is the always wonderful "Gilmore Girls" on WB, while Fox has "That 70s Show" followed by the annual Halloween episode of "The Simpsons." Then there's the musical version of "Buffy" which runs eight minutes over (perhaps in the hope you'll stay tuned to "Roswell" rather than switching at 9 p.m. to "Smallville" or the debut of "24" or the two hour season opener of "NYPD Blue"). Oh, and at 10 p.m. is the conclusion of the excellent PBS documentary series "Local News." I'm planning to tape "Buffy" and "Blue" and watch "24" when it repeats on Friday. But even if I could afford an extra VCR and a TiVo, this wouldn't be managable on a regular basis. Perhaps some network will take pity on us and move some of these good programs into the gaping holes on Monday, Friday and Saturday when there is nothing worth watching on. (This is eerily similar to the logjam that occurred at 9 p.m. Tuesday four years ago, as I noted then. — AB)

On this day... in 1947, "Meet the Press" leaps from radio to TV on the Washington, D.C., NBC affiliate. Lawrence Spivak, editor of the American Mercury, begins as panelist and ultimately winds up as host. He remains with the show until 1975.

"Golden Age" TV drama writer dies at 81. J.P. MIller, one of the brightest writers who flourished in the so-called "Golden Age" of live television drama, died of pneumonia Thursday in Flemington, N.J. He was 81. Mr. Miller's best known work was probably "Days of Wine and Roses," a harrowing look at alcoholism first seen as an episode of "Playhouse 90" in 1958 and remade into a 1962 theatrical film. This stark, realistic approach marked most of his work, which made him out-of-fashion when live and videotaped drama anthologies were displaced off of the schedules in the 60s by filmed, upbeat series. Mr. Miller by then had turned most of his attention to films and novels. Both versions of "Days" are available on VHS.

Snakebit. A week ago, I wrote a blurb saying that the World Series was a time when heroes were created. A week later, even though my team lost, I can honestly say that this was one of the best Fall Classics ever. It's not about stats, it's all about special moments - and this Series had them in bunches. The two game-tying home runs, the dominance of Co-MVP's Schilling and Johnson, and the classy Yankee Stadium tribute to the retiring Paul O'Neill. You couldn't hate anyone on either team - both the Yankees and Diamondbacks had genuine "good guys" who played their hearts out. Now on to football full-time, where I wonder who these Tom Brady and Kyle Turley characters are...

More Emmys. Paul Harris writes, "Did you notice that when Babs won her Emmy for best individual performance in a variety show, she didn't go onstage to pick it up? Whoever the presenter was had to do an 'I'll accept this for her' speechlet. Think that was to keep her appearance at the end a surprise? If so, why? Who cares if she's there early and then again later? Frankly, I thought the ending was more than just anti-climactic ÷ it was way over the top and into schmaltz-land ÷ especially using the song that Jerry Lewis co-opted three decades ago as his own telethon closer. How many viewers who might have flicked over from the World Series thought they were watching an MDA telecast?" Of course, that's presuming anyone switched over to the Emmys during the ninth inning of Game 7 ·

On this day...in 1998, ABC airs the movie "Mission: Impossible" in HDTV, and only those with the expensive sets seem to have tuned in. Even for a Thursday night, the telecast brings some of the worst ratings the network has seen in years.

Remote Patrol: Can't you feel the news, tonight? CNN's new ãanchorfaceä Aaron Brown gets less "special," dropping the "Special Report" title shared with at least one FOX News show. As of tonight, the broadcast is "Newsnight With Aaron Brown," (10 PM, repeated at 1 AM) possibly with some variation of the originally intended loose format Brown and David Bohrman started on ABC's "World News Now" some ten years ago. Had the events of September 11th not have occurred, viewers likely would not have seen Aaron Brown 'til about now.

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Emmycast '01: Ellen knocks it out of the park

The 53rd annual Emmys took place, finally. It was a ceremony short on acceptance speeches and long on traditional awards-style moments. Any other year it would have been almost unexceptional, but this year, in light of all that's happened to the country ÷ and to the Emmys ÷ the event's ordinariness was refreshing.

Once again, "The West Wing" took top honors among TV dramas, while the two leads on "The Sopranos," James Gandolfini and Edie Falco, won their respective acting categories. There were a few surprises, such as "Sex and the City" winning for best comedy and the grandmotherly Doris Roberts for best supporting comedic actress.

"The West Wing" won four Emmys Sunday night, followed by "The Sopranos" with three. "Will & Grace's" Eric McCormack and "Everybody Loves Raymond's" Patricia Heaton took best comedic actor and actress. Two-Emmy winners included "Raymond," "Malcolm in the Middle," "Life with Judy Garland," "Wit," "Conspiracy," and "Cirque de Soleil's Dralion."

This was Emmy version 3.0. The first version was scheduled for Sept. 16, but was moved to Oct. 7 after the Sept. 11 attacks. When U.S. air attacks on Afghanistan began the afternoon of Oct. 7, the Emmys were rescheduled yet again. The event also shifted venues, to the much smaller Schubert Theatre, and some 4,000 of the 6,000 originally invited attendees were uninvited. Other celebrities stayed away, notably Gandolfini, who was not on hand to accept his second Emmy for playing Tony Soprano.

This time the Emmys didn't have to clear the stage, but they did have to share it. Game 7 of the World Series aired on Fox at the same time, and the contest turned out to be as exciting as any scripted TV drama. Compared with Game 7, the Emmys were like, well, Game 6.

Sunday's telecast began on a shaky note ÷ literally, as Christian contemporary artist Phil Driscoll blasted out a few nervous bars of "America the Beautiful" on a trumpet before singing the rest of the song backed by choir and full orchestra.

That was followed by a pretaped message from Walter Cronkite, who praised television for its coverage of the Sept. 11 attacks and their aftermath. The videotape had originally been requested for the Oct. 7 Emmycast, which was to have been more subdued than either versions 1 or 3.

Then Ellen DeGeneres sauntered in and saved the ceremony from undue seriousness with a sparkling monologue that hit all the right notes.

"Welcome to the 53rd, 54th and 55th Emmy Awards," DeGeneres said. Later, she joked that while the terrorists had put a scare into the TV industry, "they can't take away our creativity, our striving for excellence, our joy. Only network executives can do that."

The comedian and TV actress promised to update viewers on the World Series game, adding, "You're not going to see them interrupt the World Series to tell you who won best supporting actress." But the joke was on Ellen; Fox did indeed flash the names of Emmy winners during its telecast of Game 7.

DeGeneres ÷ who even joked about the fate of her own low-rated sitcom ÷ wasn't daring or particularly original. At one point she donned a cheap imitation of Bjork's swan outfit, a gag similar to one Whoopi Goldberg relied on when she emceed the Oscars. And DeGeneres once again wandered off stage to banter with audience members, as she had done while host of the Grammy Awards in 1996.

Still, her humor didn't hit a tinny note during the broadcast, and DeGeneres was rewarded at the end of the three-hour telecast with a standing ovation from those in attendance, an outpouring that clearly stunned and moved her.

At that moment, millions of clickers probably switched over to the thrilling last minutes of Game 7 and missed the anticlimactic ending, as Barbra Streisand ÷ an Emmy winner for her recent Fox network special ÷ sang "You'll Never Walk Alone."

DeGeneres also served as a useful counterweight to the inevitable moments of bombast, such as "West Wing" star Bradley Whitford's unbearably sappy tribute to his wife and kids, or his co-star Allison Janney's salute to the "process of freedom that makes this country great," which wasn't a reference to Congress or the presidency but rather the freedom to make a big-budget network TV show.

The telecast also included tributes to "I Love Lucy," Bob Hope, the late Carroll O'Connor, and "Frasier" co-creator David Angell, who perished in the Sept. 11 attacks.

Outside the Shubert Theatre in Los Angeles, crowds were kept away from the red carpet, armed guards prowled the rooftop and attendees stepped through metal detectors. On the E! channel, Joan Rivers' usual pre-Emmys chatfest included some New York City firefighters in the celebrity mix.

The show's producers had originally asked the attendees to dress "business casual," and while many complied, some presenters ÷ like "ER's" Michael Michele, wearing a J. Lo-inspired special with a deeply plunging neckline ÷ seemed oblivious to the edict.

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Emmys version 3.0. Well, that's probably the first and last time a Christian contemporary artist will lead off a major awards ceremony on TV. That was Phil Driscoll, everyone, bleating out a few notes on the trumpet before switching to his more certain singing voice in a patriotic rendition of "America the Beautiful."

Ellen DeGeneres may have given the monologue of her life. It was quintessential Ellen, almost wandering into punchlines at times, but what punchlines! "I felt that it was important for me to be here tonight because ... what would bug the Taliban more than seeing a gay woman in a suit surrounded by Jews?"

Here's a good running scorecard of Emmy nominees and winners, courtesy of E! Online:

http://www.eonline.com/Features/Awards/Emmys2001/Scorecard/index.html

"The West Wing" grabbed the early lead in the first hour, with wins for best supporting actress, actor and directing. Bradley Whitford, the best-supporting winner, is the early contender for Most Bombastic Speech of the Night, an on-and-on-and-ON soliloquy that stopped just short of thanking the Creator for Bradley's little light descending on a Wisconsin manger some four decades past.

At the other end of the spectrum, Doris Roberts was absolutely thrilled to be walking up to receive an Emmy for her role on "Everybody Loves Raymond." She enthused, "I'm 71 today and kickin' it!"

A lovely little tribute was paid to "Frasier" co-creator David Angell, who was killed on an American Airlines flight that was crashed into the World Trade Center. A little later, the academy paid homage to Bob Hope and acknowledged him as the person who more than anyone got us through times like this a few laughs at a time.

"Fifty-two years previously, through war and peace, through assassinations and civil unrest, the Emmys have been awarded on television," new TV academy chief Bryce Zabel proclaimed. "Like baseball and Broadway, we are an American tradition." Hey, if the creator of "Dark Skies" says it, it must be true, right?

An Emmy for "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart" for best writing. I believe I picked that. Brian Cox for "Nuremberg" -- now that one was well-deserved. Next time TNT shows "Nuremberg," tape it or watch it. It's even better than "Uprising," the NBC miniseries everyone will be overlooking tonight.

Part two of "Uprising" is tomorrow -- but unfortunately, I'll be watching that "True Hollywood Story" on Jane Fonda that E! has been promoting all night. (I'm not kidding! Did you see the promos?)

On its third try of the night, "Late Show with David Letterman" won an Emmy. Naturally, Dave was not there to accept -- nor was anyone else from Worldwide Pants save for the presenters, Ray Romano and Patricia Heaton.

The Emmys, now in their third hour, feel extremely normal. Long, self-important speeches, boring tributes, honors for "West Wing" and "Raymond" -- what anyone would have predicted last July.

On this day... in 1999, "Greed: The Multi-Million Dollar Challenge" slithers onto the FOX airwaves as a two hour pilot. It's initially guaranteed a three-week run (which is also how long the game has been in the works). The show boasts its two million-dollar top prize is "the largest prize in television history," (a claim immediately challenged by the California Lottery which had perviously payed out $15.2 million to a single winner). In its first outing, the "Millionaire" ripoff writes checks for a combined total of $760,000.

Remote Patrol: Party Down Hollywood goes to excess to celebrate the best of its excesses, while Comedy Central hoists Hef on his own petard (while the dais chuckles because someone said the word "petard"); Nazis circle the dial; The Cartwrights meet the Donner Party; "Toy Story 2" airs for everyone too cheap to buy a VCR or DVD Player.