LATE SHOW NEWS by Aaron Barnhart January 20, 1997, Issue 139: How to save Dave ... Macdonald does Letterman ... "Later" tryouts. ------ NOTE: If you're not subscribed to the LATE SHOW NEWS e-mail list, now's the time. I'll be sending information out soon about LSN's Third Anniversary Great Graft Giveaway, and you won't want to miss it. Instructions on joining the LSN mailing list are at the end of this issue. ------ FROM THE MUSEUM OF THE HARD TO BELIEVE While sorting through my predecessor's files at The Kansas City Star, I uncovered an NBC press packet sent out ten years ago this week promoting the fifth anniversary special of "Late Night with David Letterman." It's amazing the things you can learn reading old p.r. Most of what I learned from this handout, of course, was beneath trivial: that the guy who pretended to be NBC's Grant Tinker on the show, for instance, was a character actor named Elmer Gorry, and that longtime opening-remarks writer Gerard Mulligan is older than Dave (he just turned 52, in fact). But I was taken by one item in the press release -- "'Late Night' Marks Banner Year in TV Ratings," read the headline, which was followed by this: "The fourth quarter of 1986 brought week after week of great ratings news for NBC's 'Late Night with David Letterman,' culminating in the highest quarterly rating in the show's history, 3.7, with a 21 share ... 'Late Night''s growth from a 3.1/17 during its premiere week (February 1-7, 1982) to the record 4.8/22 (during the final week of 1986) represents an extraordinary 55-percent increase. On a quarterly basis, 'Late Night''s first full quarterly rating was a 2.7. Contrasted with the 3.7 for the fourth quarter of 1986, this represents a solid 37-percent gain." The report went on to note that Letterman's 1986 audience was mostly urban and suburban, young, and about 55% female. Now, while it is true that comparing audiences for the 1986 and 1996 incarnations of the David Letterman talk-show franchise involves a fair amount of separating apples from oranges, some facts are undeniable. And one of them is that the same percentage of Americans today are watching Letterman now (3.7) as were watching him, one hour later, ten years ago. His audience is considerably larger in absolute terms -- about a million more watch "Late Show," or 20% more than were tuned to "Late Night" back then -- but when adjusted for inflation, growth is flat. (Meanwhile, as the same tireless NBC publicity machine pointed out last month, Jay Leno's November broadcasts propelled "The Tonight Show" to its highest ratings since 1989, when Johnny Carson was the host.) It's also true that a 21 share in late night is pert near impossible to come across these days, since there are so many more channels out there today for viewers to choose from. And even with the growth in the total late-night audience in the past decade, a 3.7 rating is nothing to sneeze at. It's unlikely that NBC was pulling in that kind of audience at 12:30 prior to Letterman's arrival -- had it been, I'm fairly sure "The Tomorrow Show" would still be on the air. Indeed, one of the ironies about the present-day situation is that Tom Snyder, though he is not exactly shooting the lights out, may well be drawing the largest late-night audience of his career, while Letterman, the guy who replaced Snyder at NBC, is currently struggling. But struggling for what? Certainly, Dave is not trying to turn back the clock to 1986, nor should he. Perhaps, though, he wishes he could turn it back at least to early 1993, before he made some of the choices regarding his new show at CBS that he has since surely come to rue. For some odd reason, rumors have once again crested that Letterman is heading for the West Coast, packing up his show and taking it to CBS Television City in Los Angeles. The rumor had begun popping up in my e-mail correspondence with readers, and Entertainment Weekly did a small report on it in this week's issue. The Dave-to-California scenario first appeared at the time his departure from NBC was announced, then went underground during his two-year reign as the new king of late night at CBS, only to resurface again. It's a classic example of a rumor that won't die for the simple reason that it effectively answers the question, "Why?" with the question, "Why not?" After all, what does Dave have to lose by abandoning the Ed Sullivan Theater at this point? On the other hand, what does he have to gain? Sure, he'd be able to use the occasion to rebuild his staff, cast a new image for his show, and improve his access to the big celebs. But none of this will necessarily add up to long-term ratings growth, which would be CBS's aim, at least, if not Letterman's. The big celebs, for instance, will probably still be asked to appear on only one 11:30 show per week, and given Dave's reputation it's likely that most of them will choose to do his show after doing Leno's, if they decide to do it at all. So yes, Letterman might finally land Denzel, but it would be the week *after* his latest flick came out -- if, it bears repeating, at all. But failure to lure Hollywood stars is not the reason "Late Show" is doing so poorly with audiences. The problem is much more basic than that. The show is stuck in a creative rut and fleeing New York is unlikely to pull the show out of that rut. After all, creativity is a place in your mind, not on the map. This point was vividly pounded home last weekend by Norm Macdonald, the guy who reads the fake news. On the Jan. 11 "SNL," Macdonald fitted himself with prosthetics and a John Michael Higgins-styled red wig and did an astonishing David Letterman impression that I'm *still* getting letters about. NBC publicity (again) was kind enough to supply your traveling critic with a tape of Macdonald's performance, and sadly I must agree with all of the raves sent in by my correspondents. Macdonald -- whose appearance earlier that week on "Late Show" will surely be his last for a long time, perhaps forever -- perfectly captured all of the annoying, distracting, unfunny mannerisms Dave has brought into high relief in the past year and half. Macdonald's caricature underscores the fact that for many viewers, "Late Show" has lately had little else to distinguish itself besides Letterman's ridiculous tics. (A mild irony of the "SNL" sketch was the casting of Kevin Spacey, who was hosting the show that week, as Dave's guest "William Hurt." As "Late Show" viewers recently got to see for themselves, Spacey actually does the most authentic Johnny Carson impersonation around. He doesn't have the voice, but by gum he's got the body English and speech inflections down pat.) So in this sense, the strident denials of a move to L.A. by Letterman's people are welcome, because it's unlikely that changing coasts will reverse the show's fortunes. However, that's not to say that a change of venue wouldn't be a good idea. The Ed Sullivan Theater has become a quagmire of successes past and failures present, a place where all of the elements were once aligned harmoniously but are now hopelessly fractured, a cavern that every night demands to be entertained on a humongous scale, while at home millions of overwhelmed viewers wonder what happened to their simple late-night treat. One longtime Dave-watcher recently put it to me this way: "At the Ed Sullivan Theater, every show is an anniversary show." Rob Burnett, Jon Beckerman and the writers have worked hard to recreate the formula that proved so durable when Letterman was over at tiny Studio 6A at NBC. But trying to downsize the comedy in a theater that size is like trying to downsize General Motors -- it's a thankless task and just goes to show that what's good for the Ed Sullivan isn't necessarily what's good for America. The West Coast rumors merely crystallize what nearly every objective observer of "Late Show" is agreed upon: Letterman has to get out of the Ed, and soon. But he doesn't have to leave New York, nor should he. Given a smaller stage, like one at the nearby CBS Broadcast Center facility on 57th Street, would Dave be more at ease? Would the audiences calm down? Would the writers have more luck with more intimate comedy? Would late night become a friendlier place for ex-Letterman watchers everywhere? The answer to all of these questions, it seems to me, is yes. And if you ask me why, I'll say: Why not? BREAKING LATE NEWS Last week in Pasadena, I asked NBC's Rick Ludwin about a published report that the network had reduced its choices for the "Later" slot to just two, Eleanor Mondale and Greg Giraldo. Not true, said Ludwin; tryouts are still ongoing. For how long? Ludwin wouldn't say, although he did concede that he has the luxury of letting auditions extend indefinitely. "Later," after all, has actually increased its audience since Greg Kinnear left the show. (In fact, the 1:30 a.m. daypart has been growing steadily ever since "Later" signed on in 1988.) But he said the search for a permanent replacement would end sooner than later, and no, there was no plan to change the "Later" format back to its original Bob Costas design, as some of us had fervently hoped. NBC believes that Tom Snyder, who doesn't compete with "Later" in the vast majority of markets, has sewn up the intimate-chat audience at that hour ... Michael Palin was overheard on a radio program, in the week prior to his appearance on "SNL" Jan. 11, muttering that producer Lorne Michaels was "making" him and John Cleese reprise their old dead-parrot sketch from their Monty Python glory days. As one reader noted, "It did about as well as quarter-century warmed-over comedy skits generally do (i.e., not very)" ... So how well did "Politically Incorrect" do in the ratings its first week on the air? Depends on how you spin the numbers. As was reported here last week, it performed admirably in head-to-heads with Leno and Letterman. But it only goes head-to-head in 16 of the 35 biggest markets; it lagged sufficiently behind in the other 19 markets and nationally to earn it a mere 2.9 rating for the week, with Leno comfortably and Letterman uncomfortably ahead. In my new home market of Kansas City, "PI" scored an astonishing 4.9% of households, fourth highest in the country, despite airing on a 90-minute-delayed basis ... Correction on my report last week: as the Baltimore Sun reported, WMAR-TV doesn't carry "PI" at all, meaning that if you live in the Baltimore area, and your cable system doesn't pick up WJLA-TV in Washington, yer outta luck. WMAR weasels claim that "prior commitments" to such shows as "Access Hollywood" and "Extra" -- by the way, shouldn't those two be engaged in a joust-to-the-death or something? -- are preventing it from running Maher's show ... Howard Stern will unveil "Private Parts: the Movie" at a special screening Feb. 27 in New York ... Leno will do five more shows from Vegas, Feb. 3-7; Dave's staying put ... Jon Stewart's filling in for Tom Snyder again this week ... And the battle for the Arsenio throne continues, with John Salley making the talk-show rounds to promote himself, while Quincy Jones is trumpeting the sale of his "Vibe" late-night entry, hosted by the unknown Chris Spencer, to more than half the country (and it's only January). Tom Heald's THIS NIGHT IN HISTORY Mo 1/20: In 1956, Bill Maher is born. You might remember Maher from "D.C. Cab," "House II: The Second Story," "Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death," and the mid-'80s NBC sitcom "Sara" -- but he'd prefer you didn't. Tu 1/21: In 1939, "Wolfman" Jack (aka Robert Smith) is born. From 1973-1981, NBC's "The Midnight Special" delivered an hour and a half of in-concert performances on Friday nights. As "Midnight Special's" announcer, the "Wolfman" was one of the few steady elements of the show. We 1/22: In 1964, the world's largest cheese (15,723 kg) is manufactured in Wisconsin. Shocking news for those who believe the world's largest cheese is currently hosting "The Tonight Show" on NBC. In 1994, after three years on HBO, reruns of "Tales From The Crypt" join the graveyard shift of the Fox network. Th 1/23: In 1919, Ernie Kovacs is born. Before "Monty Python, or "Saturday Night Live," there was "Ernie in Kovacsland." From pioneering the teaser opening and blackouts to "breaking the fourth wall," Kovacs did it first, faster and funnier. David Letterman screened some of Kovacs' groundbreaking shows for inspiration in developing his program. Fr 1/24: In 1949, the birth of the Blues... Brothers that is. John Belushi is born. Light something up in his memory. Sa 1/25: In 1957, Steve Allen leaves NBC's "The Tonight Show." Heave-ho, Steverino! Su 1/26: In 1980, having marked her territory on every talk show on the planet, Teri Garr decides to lift her shapely leg upon "Saturday Night Live" in the first of three hostings. (Incidentally, after the last Teri Garr mention in this column, our resident Garrologist, Richard Handal, pointed out that last year Ms. Garr ended her brief marriage to construction worker Larry Fortensky.) [Thanks to Dave Tanny, Tim Brooks, Earl Marsh, Richard Handal, Frank Serpas III, Diana Rico and America Online for finally *not* giving me a busy signal. Special thanks to the Donz5, who is the wind beneath my wings.] [Death threats, multilevel-marketing opportunities, chain letters, and magazine offers from Ed McMahon may be sent to TNIH's Tom Heald at .] THE LINEUPS (with Sue Trowbridge) LATE SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN, CBS Mo 1/20 Bob Dole (R 2/3/95), Barbra Streisand (R 6/28/94), Christine Whitman (R 6/25/96), James Carville (R 11/13/96) Tu 1/21 John Goodman (R 10/27/95), David Duchovny (R 7/19/96), David Bowie (R 9/25/95) We 1/22 Dana Carvey (R 3/8/96), Jenny McCarthy (R 3/29/96), No Doubt (R 9/6/96) Th 1/23 Robert Downey Jr. (R 11/2/95), Kelsey Grammer (R 2/29/96), Sean Penn (R 11/16/95) Fr 1/24 Sandra Bullock (R 1/10/96), Steven Seagal (R 2/11/94), Red Hot Chili Peppers (R 2/13/96) Mo 1/27 David Schwimmer, Carmen Electra, Sheryl Crow Tu 1/28 Tony Danza, Helena Bonham Carter, senior cheerleaders the Sun City Poms We 1/29 Dan Rather, Jane Leeves, Tori Amos Th 1/30 Matthew Perry, Natasha Lyonne, Jewel THE TONIGHT SHOW WITH JAY LENO, NBC Mo 1/20 Goldie Hawn, Geoffrey Rush Tu 1/21 Steve Guttenberg, Steve Young We 1/22 Jamie Lee Curtis, LL Cool J Th 1/23 Gloria Reuben, Rodney Dangerfield Fr 1/24 Marisa Tomei Mo 1/27 Linda Hamilton, Don McMillan, Carl Perkins and Brain Setzer Tu 1/28 Damon Wayans, Little Richard We 1/29 Kevin Spacey Th 1/30 Pierce Brosnan LATE LATE SHOW WITH TOM SNYDER, CBS Guest host Jon Stewart with ... Mo 1/20 John Larroquette, attorney Roy Black, author Lawrence Schiller Tu 1/21 Fran Drescher, ex-NBA John Salley We 1/22 Coolio, Joe Theismann Th 1/23 Roy Blount Jr. Fr 1/24 Jewel, Denis Leary Tom with ... Mo 1/27 Robert Olin Butler Tu 1/28 Lou Holtz, radio host David Brudnoy We 1/29 Steve Guttenberg, Carl Perkins Th 1/30 Henry Grunwald Fr 1/31 Helena Bonham-Carter LATE NIGHT WITH CONAN O'BRIEN, NBC Mo 1/20 Sherry Stringfield, Kenny Rogers, Michael Novacek (R 11/27/96) Tu 1/21 Don Rickles, G. Gordon Liddy We 1/22 Steven Wright Th 1/23 Vendela Fr 1/24 Steve Guttenberg, Lorrie Morgan & The Beach Boys Mo 1/27 TBA Tu 1/28 R. Vel Johnson We 1/29 Suzanne Somers Th 1/30 Malcolm McDowell Fr 1/31 Rodney Dangerfield POLITICALLY INCORRECT WITH BILL MAHER, ABC Mo 1/20 Joan Rivers, Anthony Lewis Tu 1/21 Tom Arnold, Clint Black, Celeste Greig, Stefanie Powers We 1/22 Larry Flynt (special one-on-one interview) Th 1/23 Dennis Miller, Former Texas Governor Ann Richards Fr 1/24 Barbara DeAngelis, Calvin Trillin, Charles Murray THE DAILY SHOW, Comedy Central Mo 1/20 Sydney Biddle Barrows Tu 1/21 John Cleese We 1/22 Tracey Nelson (Ricky's daughter) Th 1/23 Steve Guttenberg LATER, NBC Mo 1/20 Alexandra Wentworth with Jon Favreau Tu 1/21 Alexandra Wentworth with Kathy Griffin We 1/22 Jeff Ross with Amy Heckerling Th 1/23 Jeff Ross with Dave Chappelle Mo 1/27 Tommy Davidson with guest TBA Tu 1/28 Tommy Davidson with Steve Guttenberg We 1/29 Tommy Davidson with guest TBA Th 1/30 Tommy Davidson with guest TBA CHARLIE ROSE, PBS Mo 1/20 Inauguration Day roundtable Tu 1/21 Author Peter Gomes, Juliet Binoche, Winona Ryder We 1/22 Liam Neeson Th 1/23 Corporate Welfare Panel; Jack Palance Fr 1/24 Helen Mirren, director Terry George, Wes Craven Mo 1/27 David Bar-Ilan, Liza Minnelli Tu 1/28 Elmore Leonard, Dave Barry, Carl Hiaasen; Jacqueline Bisset We 1/29 Isaac Stern, Sen. Alan Simpson Th 1/30 Discussion on Diana Vreeland; architect Raphael Vinoly Fr 1/31 Jim Lehrer, Grant Hill LATE NIGHT WITH CONAN O'BRIEN RERUNS, CNBC Mo 1/20 Denis Leary, Abel Ferrara, Crash Test Dummies Tu 1/21 Jackie Chan, H. Keith Melton, Thora Birch We 1/22 Molly Ringwald, Tasha Smith, Brian Setzer Orchestra Th 1/23 Yasmine Bleeth, David Arquette, Bela Fleck & the Flecktones Fr 1/24 Dr. Ruth Westheimer, Lou Diamond Phillips, Dave Attel SPACE GHOST COAST TO COAST, Cartoon Network Fr 1/24 Bobcat Goldthwait, Juliana Hatfield, etc. (R) Spacey has returned to Friday nights, with repeats on Saturdays. THE LARRY SANDERS SHOW, HBO We 1/22 Angie Dickinson, Don Rickles and Laura Leighton Arthur reunites with his old flame, Angie Dickinson. Larry sets his sights on dating Laura Leighton; Hank auditions for the role of Hercules in an upcoming animated Disney movie. DENNIS MILLER LIVE, HBO Fr 1/24 Laura Dern (discussing the afterlife) HOWARD STERN, E! Mo 1/20 Ralph's Gay Polygraph Test (I), Hypnotized Scores Girls (I) Tu 1/21 Ralph's Gay Polygraph Test (II), Hypnotized Scores Girls (II) We 1/22 Howard's Basketball Game (I), Hypnotized Scores Girls (III) Th 1/23 Howard's Basketball Game (II), Stuttering John at Red Ball (I) Fr 1/24 Rumplemintz Quiz, Stuttering John at the Red Ball (II) Sa 1/25 Heather Locklear, Heather Locklear Returns (II) Mo 1/27 What's My Color?, Gary's Domestic Nightmare Tu 1/28 Kato Kaelin (I), Jay Leno (I) SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE, Comedy Central Mo 1/20 Malcolm McDowell / Captain Beefheart Tu 1/21 Bronson Pinchot / Paulina Porizkova / Paul Young Ellen Burstyn / Aretha Franklin / Keith Sykes We 1/22 Danny DeVito / Willie Nelson Jamie Lee Curtis / James Brown / Ellen Shipley Th 1/23 Valerie Bertinelli / Robert Cray Band David Carradine / Cast of The Pirates of Penzance Fr 1/24 Bill Murray / Percy Sledge Ray Sharkey / Jack Bruce & Friends Sa 1/25 Charlton Heston / Wynton Marsalis Mo 1/27 John Lithgow / Anita Baker Karen Black / Cheap Trick & Stanley Clarke Also on late nights: NIGHTLINE, ABC CHARLES GRODIN, CNBC CARSON'S COMEDY CLASSICS, Family Channel MAD TV, Fox SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE, NBC Entire contents Copyright 1997 by Aaron Barnhart. All rights reserved. Distributed by e-mail and BBS to over 10,000 readers weekly.