LATE SHOW NEWS #234 February 2, 1999 by Aaron Barnhart To join or leave the LATE-SHOW-NEWS mailing list, see instructions at end of message. There's some big news I want to announce to you this week, but I'm not quite ready yet. So watch your mailbox later in the week for a special mailing from yours truly. *** Canada's Mike Bullard let slip some surprising news during Friday's broadcast of "Open Mike with Mike Bullard," the best late-night show we're not getting. It all started during Bullard's nightly excuse for a monologue -- really more of a get-acquainted session with the front rows of the studio audience, punctuated by a few jokes. Well, one of those jokes bombed and someone in the audience yelled out: "That wouldn't have happened on Conan!" Here was Bullard's response: "Let me tell you something else that wouldn't have happened on Conan -- you, inside the building. They have standards there." (audience laughs) "Let me tell you something else that wouldn't have happened on Conan. Stuff made up as I went along!" (laughter and applause) "Hold it a minute." (in mock anger) "What was with that snide little remark, punk, huh? Because it happens in Canada it can't be good? ... Well, dammit, you know I wasn't going to say a word to anybody." (to producers standing off-stage) "I'm saying it. I don't care. It's secret information I've carrying around for a week. It nearly killed me." (to audience) "In Canada, we do 80,000 more people a night than Conan!" (wild applause) "... And, uh, we're the reason Conan O'Brien's scared to move his show to Canada." David Migicovsky, who relayed the incident, notes that (a) 80,000 people is on the order of 800,000 people in the U.S., or nearly a full Nielsen ratings point; (b) this is despite the fact that Conan reaches more Canadian households than Bullard; and (c) it's despite the complete lack of A-list or, most nights, even B-list guests on Bullard's show. Migicovsky adds, "We have a difficult time conferring stardom on non-news TV people who have not made it in the States. Given that, Bullard's rise has been amazingly rapid. He's done it with broad demographics. You literally *do* see ages 8 to 80 in the audience, men and women, black and white, gay and straight, urban and rural, hip and square." *** Two more names were thrown into the late-night ring in the past week. Rob Nelson, who founded a political action group called Lead or Leave, and whom I vaguely recall as a guest on one of those daylong impeachment chatfests I try so desperately to avoid on cable, has been signed to do a Saturday-night program for Fox News Channel in the spring. If all goes well, Nelson's political show will go nightly. The more interesting name is that of Martin Short, whose "Martin Short Show" has until now been promoted as a daytime talk-variety show. Not anymore. King World Productions, perhaps learning from station managers across the country that they would be interested in a second season of "Roseanne" or a first season of "Martin Short" -- but not both -- has decided to shop the latter around as a late-night syndicated "strip," according to Zentertainment's Sean Jordan. *** You probably are unaware that right now in Congress -- or at least that shadow Congress that hopes to step in with actual legislation once the current monkey business is finished -- television's future is being decided. With Sens. John McCain and Conrad Burns leading the way, the Senate should finally pass some laws allowing satellite companies to carry local signals of TV stations in each of the markets they serve. Actually, that's a pretty daunting task, and will take the two remaining leaders in the field (DirecTV and EchoStar) half a decade or more to get all 1,600-plus North American stations up on the transponder. But the wheels are in motion. Of course, that doesn't make life any easier for reader Bill Cmelak, who writes, "I live in a rural area of northern Wisconsin and have been watching the satellite-TV 'wildfeed' uplink for 'Mad TV' on Friday nights." (Fox feeds the show a day in advance to affiliates.) "Unfortunately, for the past three weeks the uplink didn't appear at its usual location (satellite T5, transponder 6 at 6 p.m. Central time). I can't receive the nearest Fox affiliate, which is about 100 miles away. I cannot subscribe to a Fox satellite broadcast from a different time zone." (A court struck down that service offered by Primetime-24.) "And I have been told by the programming providers that due to the pending legislation they cannot sell me access to these stations. "I was wondering if you know if the 'Mad TV' uplink has been moved to another satellite, transponder and time. I would really like to see 'Mad TV' again." Anyone who wants to chime in, just write me and I'll pass your advice along (and maybe share it with the class). By the way, I happen to have a feature story on satellite TV appearing in Tuesday's Kansas City Star. Here's the direct URL: http://www.kcstar.com/item/pages/fyi.pat,fyi/30dab72e.201,.html *** For reasons known only to himself, a top executive of Eyemark Entertainment, the syndication arm of CBS, publicly trashed one of his group's own programs, "The Howard Stern Radio Show," last week during the big NATPE confab in New Orleans. Stern, of course, acquired a tape with the offending remarks and played it on his radio show Monday. Bob Cook, Eyemark's executive VP, was asked why he would allow a show like Howard's to be distributed by his company. Then, as our pal Mark from http://www.marksfriggin.com recounts, "He went on for a couple of minutes about how if it doesn't get ratings it just won't be around anymore and if it doesn't generate advertising income it won't be around. He also said that it doesn't generate much money now and it doesn't get very good ratings." This prompted a phone call from a staffer at the Saturday-night show defending Cook, which in turn elicited a response from actor Stephen Baldwin, who trashed the previous caller. Just another day in the life of the man who puts the "sin" in syndication. *** Confirming that he is, in fact, a zombie who requires no sleep, Jay Leno was signed last week to write a bimonthly column for Popular Mechanics called "Jay Leno's Garage." It will be a humor column about collecting old cars and motorcycles, something he does to while away the two or three hours a week left over after his performing, writing, and hosting gigs are done ... Here's a nice detail: In lieu of payment for his column, Leno will endow a scholarship at McPherson College in the great state of Kansas, which happens to offer a two-year program in auto restoration ... Kevin Newman tells TV Guide in next week's issue that his wife was diagnosed with MS last year, so frankly he's glad to be gone from "Good Morning America," which was only adding to the stress incurred at home ... USA Today has revived those reports that "World News Now" is toast in the wake of ABC's announcement that it was canning "Good Morning America Sunday" as a cost-cutting move. ("WNN" somehow manages to lose $3 million a year for the network.) What would take its place? Repeats of "20/20" and "Nightline," and I must say I'm intrigued by the latter, at least ... Reader mail: Anne Raugh writes, "Remember 20 years or so ago when the Gillette Trak II razor -- the first boasting twin blades -- came out, 'SNL' did a send-up of that commercial for a razor with three blades? Well, now they've come out with a three-blade razor, and the commercial looks almost exactly like the 'SNL' parody from so long ago. This is surreal enough, but then last week 'MAD TV' parodied *that* commercial. Wisely, they opted for a 20-blade model, so presumably their parody won't become reality for at least another century. Still, it's probably worth patenting the idea now." *** Tom Heald's THIS NIGHT IN HISTORY We 2/3: In 1997, Chicagoan Kimberly Goodman amazes and horrifies the "Late Show with David Letterman" audience with the Stupid Human Trick of popping her eyes in and out of their sockets. The ability gains her a return visit for the "Late Show's" primetime special three weeks later, a handsome profitable as a spokesmodel and a Guinness world record for ocular extension. Th 2/4: In 1987, When "Nightline" host Ted Koppel wishes to have a comment from another guest, Milton Berle advises Koppel, "Oh, shut up." Fr 2/5: In 1992, the New Kids on the Block" perform on "The Arsenio Hall Show" to deny lip-synching charges made by a Chicago fan as well as the group's former music producer. Sa 2/6: In 1996, NBC Europe begins to broadcast "Late Night With Conan O'Brien" seven days a week, one day behind the United States. Su 2/7: In 1997, "The Chris Rock Show" debuts on HBO. His guests: Johnnie Cochran and the Artist fka Prince. Mo 2/8: In 1979, on "Mork and Mindy," Mindy and Mork fall prey to the Ellsworth Revitalization Konditioning (ERK) seminar led by cult leader David Letterman. Tu 2/9: In 1990, Stuart Smalley performs his very first "Daily Affirmation" on "Saturday Night Live." Thanks to David Tanny. Special thanks to Donz5 and Bill Lehecka, items 5 Down and 17 across at the "TV Guide Crossword Puzzle Awards." Want more Bill Maher than your nightly fix on ABC? Buy P.I. goodies galore at Tom Heald's This Night In History Bookstore at THE LINEUPS with Sue Trowbridge (http://www.interbridge.com/) LATE SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN, CBS Mo 2/1 Bill Cosby, Brendan Fraser, Randy Scruggs and Vince Gill Tu 2/2 Catherine Bell, David Brenner We 2/3 Richard Kind, Creed Th 2/4 Mel Gibson, supermodel Laetitia Casta Fr 2/5 Ted Danson Mo 2/8 Michael J. Fox, Martha Stewart, Willie Nelson Tu 2/9 Jeff Daniels, Monica We 2/10 Chris Isaak THE TONIGHT SHOW WITH JAY LENO, NBC Mo 2/1 Joseph Fiennes, Maria Bello, Everlast Tu 2/2 Shannen Doherty, Dave Foley, Hannah Davis We 2/3 Sissy Spacek, Jerry O'Connell, New Radicals Th 2/4 Geena Davis, Kid Inventors, "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" with David Arquette Fr 2/5 Jerry Springer, Brandy, Steve Martin's performing birds Mo 2/8 Tim Allen, Kathy Ireland, Steve Conlon and his Bee Beard Tu 2/9 Arsenio Hall; Dolly Parton, Linda Ronstadt and Emmylou Harris We 2/10 Rosie Perez, Julie Scardina and Sea World animals, Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Th 2/11 Mel Gibson, Natalie Merchant LATE LATE SHOW WITH TOM SNYDER, CBS Mo 2/1 Susan Cheever Tu 2/2 Scott Bakula, Meat Loaf We 2/3 Maury Povich, Steve Lawrence and Eydie Gorme Th 2/4 David Brenner, Graham Nash Fr 2/5 Howie Mandel, Greg Germann LATE NIGHT WITH CONAN O'BRIEN, NBC Mo 2/1 David Spade, Fred Savage, Canibus (R 11/6/98) Tu 2/2 Julia Sweeney, Steven Wright, The Marvelous 3 We 2/3 Eric McCormack, Jason Schwartzman Th 2/4 Gwyneth Paltrow, Tim Russert Fr 2/5 Pamela Anderson, Michael T. Weiss, Ricky Skaggs Mo 2/8 Sandra Bullock, Scott Thompson, Rasputina (R 10/14/98) Tu 2/9 Stephen King We 2/10 John Tesh Th 2/11 Daniel Stern Fr 2/12 Bill Maher, Fabio LATER, NBC Host Jerry O'Connell with guests TBA CHARLIE ROSE, PBS Mo 2/1 Sophia Loren; author Brian Greene Tu 2/2 Former Maine Attorney General James Tierney We 2/3 Paul Rudnick, Helen Thomas Th 2/4 Frank and Malachy McCourt Fr 2/5 Editor Jonathan Galassi Mo 2/8 Harry Shearer Tu 2/9 Author Peter Peterson; director Hal Prince, playwright Alfred Uhry POLITICALLY INCORRECT WITH BILL MAHER, ABC Mo 2/1 Esai Morales, James Golden, Ricki Lake, Arsenio Hall Tu 2/2 Steve Lawrence, Kristin Short, Nancy Schaefer We 2/3 Stephanie Miller, Kristy Swanson Th 2/4 Maury Povich, Genevieve Wood, Dave Foley Fr 2/5 Melissa Gilbert, Tom Fitton, Snoop Dogg, Wayne Brady Mo 2/8 Pat Sajak, Ann Richards THE DAILY SHOW, Comedy Central Mo 2/1 George Carlin Tu 2/2 Dave Foley We 2/3 Kelly Martin Th 2/4 Jerry O'Connell HOWARD STERN, E! lineups not available DENNIS MILLER LIVE, HBO Fr 2/5 Norm Macdonald, David Spade (R) Fr 2/12 Eddie Izzard on "The Death of Eccentricity" Fr 2/19 TBA Fr 2/26 Sheryl Crow on "Rock and Roll" (she'll also perform) SPACE GHOST COAST TO COAST, Cartoon Network lineups not available MADtv, FOX Sa 2/6 Guest Brett "Hit Man" Hart, spoof of Governor Jesse Ventura SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE, NBC Sa 2/6 Gwyneth Paltrow; musical guest Barenaked Ladies SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE, Comedy Central (reruns) We 2/3 Noon : Martin Lawrence / Crash Test Dummies (1993-'94) - Daily Affirmation, Hollywood Minute, Thugs; 6 PM & Midnight : John Travolta / Seal (1994-'95) - Bathroom Monkey , Coffee Talk, Quentin Tarantino's Welcome Back Kotter, Larry King Live Th 2/4 Noon : Nancy Kerrigan / Aretha Franklin (1993-'94) - The Denise Show, Sinatra, Black R&B Singers Today, host at Disneyland; 6 PM & Midnight : Dana Carvey / Edie Brickell (1994-'95) - Johnny Carson, Ross Perot, Hans & Franz, Mike Judge's "Milton" Fr 2/5 Noon : Helen Hunt / Snoop Doggy Dog + Cindy Crawford (1993-'94) - Rockers To Help Explain Whitewater, Total Bastard Airlines, Coffee Talk, "The Continuing Story of Milton"; 6 PM Sarah Jessica Parker / R.E.M (1994-'95) - Good Morning Brooklyn, Confucius, The Casting Couch, Wizard of Oz Sa 2/6 11AM : George Clooney / The Cranberries (1994-'95) - Taxicab Confessions,Waiting Room, Zagat's, Bruce McCulloch's "Snowbird" Su 2/7 11AM : Bob Newhart / Des'ree (1994-'95) Ricki Lake Show, Book Buzz, an Adam Sandler sings of the "Sex Phone Lady," Baywatch, Sports Beat Mo 2/8 Noon : Kelsey Grammer/ Dwight Yoakam + Manute Bol (1993-'94) - Inhibited Dance Party USA, Sunday Morning with Charles Kuralt, 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea, Captain Jim & Pedro, Something Smells Good in Stinkville; 6 PM & Midnight : John Turturro / Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers + Joey Buttafuoco + David Hasselhoff (1994-'95) - Christopher Walken & Gary Busey's Psychic Friends, Taxi Driver - the musical, Stop That Tu 2/9 Noon : Emilio Esteves / Pearl Jam (1993-'94) - Geek, Dweeb, or Spazz, John Grisham's The Whitewater Folder, Operaman, The Herlihy Boy; 10PM Sarah Michelle Gellar/Portishead (1997-'98) - "Spice Girls," The View, "Tara Lipinski," The Golords, Goth Talk, The Robin Byrd Show; Midnight : Roseanne / Green Day + Rip Taylor (1994-'95) Rescue 911, Civil War Memories, Funny Strange or Funny Haha?, Lock-Up TRACEY TAKES ON, HBO We 2/3 Erotica We 2/10 Books We 2/17 Road Rage Also on late nights: NIGHTLINE and WORLD NEWS NOW, ABC BET TONIGHT WITH TAVIS SMILEY, BET LOVELINE, MTV THE HOWARD STERN RADIO SHOW, CBS and syndicated UP TO THE MINUTE, CBS DIE HARALD SCHMIDT SHOW, SAT.1 MAD TV, Fox Entire contents Copyright 1999 by Aaron Barnhart. All rights reserved.