LATE SHOW NEWS by Aaron Barnhart February 10, 1997, Issue 142: Letterman's busted sign ... Tom Snyder: televised warm milk ... "PI" teasers. ------ THE LATE SHOW NEWS THIRD ANNIVERSARY GREAT GRAFT GIVEAWAY The Great Graft Giveaway had its first drawing this week, and 25 lucky subscribers' names were picked at random from the LATE-SHOW-NEWS mailing list of more than 9,400 names. Picks must reply by February 28th in order to win a share of the graft. If you aren't on the list right now, go ahead and subscribe, and after February 28th I'll have a supplementary drawing of at least fifteen [15] and no more than twenty-five [25] names. Any picks from the first drawing that did not reply in time will be discarded and replacement picks will be made in the supplementary drawing. Winners will receive a Priority Mail pak stuffed with as much graft as will fit. Incidentally, some of you have asked what "graft" is. It consists of gifts sent by the promotion arms of television shows. Most graft seems to fall into one of two categories, clothing and coffee. Plenty of T-shirts and mugs, a nifty "Millennium" sweatshirt, a Mr. Coffee set with oversized UPN mug, and a recent acquisition: a pair of silk boxer shorts with hearts on them, courtesy of Fox! ------ READER MAIL Joshua J.K. Masur, a fellow traveler on the Echo BBS from which LATE SHOW NEWS originates, writes: "This morning, my wife and I walked to Fairway, which your New York City readers will know as the ostensibly wholesale supermarket at 132nd St. and the Hudson River. As we passed Dave's 'Attention Motorists: New Jersey Is Closed' sign, I noted that it seemed to be having more difficulty than usual listing the coming week's guests; a few of the bulbs were permanently on, and many more were burnt out. Since the sign is strategically positioned between the Henry Hudson Parkway and Riverside Drive, the two primary routes out of the city from the West Side, I found it odd that CBS would let it deteriorate to such a degree. "Apparently, I wasn't the only one. As it happens, Fairway has its own, similar but larger sign, easily viewed from our bedroom window. Imagine my surprise when the entire sign flashed, diverting my attention from the intricacies of Article III of the Constitution, to challenge: "Hey, Dave Letterman! "Is your sign in an alien language? Or is its unintelligibility some arcane form of humor? "Come on, CBS - fix it or unplug it!" James Lynch writes, "Did you see Ed McMahon with Leno the other night? For those few minutes he was there, it was the 'Tonight Show' again. It may be that Jay, and especially Dave, have failed to realize that many people can play Sherlock Holmes but, to really be Sherlock Holmes, Nigel Bruce has to play Dr. Watson. To get Johnny-Carson-class ratings at 11:30/10:30, you might need to have an Ed-McMahon-class second banana. Only Conan seems to understand." Chris Voth writes, "I was not initially a Tom Snyder fan. Yet, as I am curbing back my late nights hours ... I have found his low-key manner very soothing as I drift into my slumber. On the nights I'm feeling energetic and want some good old fashioned frat-boy humor, I'll watch Conan (who I believe has the best writers in late night). But, if I'm putting the TV on sleep timer, I'll watch Tom. It's like having someone read you a story. I hear the words, but sooner or later I'm out. And I mean that in a complimentary way." Sure you do, Chris ... BREAKING LATE NEWS Some of you wrote asking what had happened to the teasers that "Politically Incorrect" had been using to promote the upcoming segment at each commercial break. The show's producer, Scott Carter, told me the teasers were shelved after it was decided that (a) they potentially drove away as many viewers as they attracted, since if people knew a segment on abortion was coming up they might decide to switch off, no matter how amusing the actual conversation turned out to be, and (b) the writers stay late enough as it is after each taping without having to spend an extra half hour furiously scribbling teasers ... I also asked Carter why Bill Maher would want to spend an entire broadcast one-on-one with Hugh Hefner, a taping that will air this Thursday. "He's Bill's hero," said Carter ... The directors' and writers' guilds each announced nominees in their outstanding achievement awards, with winners presented in ceremonies next month. The Writers Guild of America tapped former Letterman writer Spike Feresten for writing the soup-guy episode of "Seinfeld" that was based on the proprietor of the International Soup Kitchen just down the street from the Ed Sullivan Theater. Other nominees included Peter Tolan for penning an episode of "The Larry Sanders Show" and, for best comedy series, "Dennis Miller Live" and "Late Night with Conan O'Brien." Denny's "Citizen Arcane" got a best- special nomination as well. Meanwhile the Directors Guild of America nominated two "Larry Sanders" episodes and for best series included "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno" among the finalists ... And if you're wondering who this Tommy Davidson guy is that seems to have become the permanent guest host for "Later," he is co-starring with Vivica A. Fox and Jamie Foxx in the upcoming major motion picture "Booty Call." Tom Heald's THIS NIGHT IN HISTORY Mo 2/10: In 1960, "Tonight Show" host Jack Paar tells what he later called "a harmless joke" involving a water closet that you can read at . NBC censors deemed it unacceptable and substituted three minutes of news updates. Paar was unaware of the substitution until he watched it later that night along with the rest of America. Tu 2/11: In 1960, having taken a beating in the morning papers (who, not knowing what the joke actually was, labelled it "obscene"), Jack Paar requests that NBC allow him to re-air the 3 minute segment. They refuse. So, in front of millions of people watching live on the East Coast, Jack Paar walks off as host of "The Tonight Show." He returns to the show March 7. We 2/12: In 1955, Arsenio Hall is born. Though it does have a slight Latino ring to it, the name "Arsenio" is actually Greek, meaning "triangle head." Just kidding: it means "virile and strong." If Arsenio hasn't fired everyone on his new sitcom by then, it's scheduled to start Wednesday, March 5 on ABC. Th 2/13: In 1944, Jerry Springer is born. Technically, he's a daytime talk show host, but in Los Angeles, where "The Jerry Springer Show" airs at 10 PM, he is a force to be reckoned with, frequently beating "The Tonight Show," "Nightline" and "Late Show" in the ratings. Fr 2/14: In 1992, "Wayne's World: The Movie" opens, and goes on to earn $121.7 million domestically. (Party time!!! Excellent!!!). It paves the way for such "SNL" movie flops as "The Coneheads," "It's Pat!", and "Stuart Saves his Family." Sa 2/15: In 1964, Chris Farley starts sweating profusely. Su 2/16: In 1991, in a spoof of the movie "Misery," Dana Carvey kills off his "Church Chat" Lady character on "Saturday Night Live." The character would not live again until the premiere episode of "The Taco Bell Dana Carvey Show." [Thanks to Dave Tanny, Tim Brooks, Earl Marsh, Norman King, Frank Serpas III, Mr. Jack Paar, and NBC for at least letting *me* use my old clips. Special thanks to Donz5, who has started watching all 15 years of Letterman videotapes all over again...] Comments, haiku, and reports on just where Martha Stewart's been putting Royal icing this week can be sent to Tom Heald at . THE LINEUPS (with Sue Trowbridge) [ Sue's terrific new zine, THE CIRCULAR FILE, is getting written up all over the place -- Internet Underground just named CF to its Top 10 Web sites! ] LATE SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN, CBS Mo 2/10 Brett Butler, Fugees Tu 2/11 Sarah Jessica Parker, Geoffrey Rush, Barry Manilow We 2/12 Richard Harris, Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert, acrobats the Far East Circus Th 2/13 Peter O'Toole, Salma Hayek, Elvis Costello, Debbie Harry & the Jazz Passengers Fr 2/14 The Duchess of York, George Stephanopoulos Mo 2/17 Michael J. Fox, Laura Linney, Blackstreet Tu 2/18 Tom Brokaw, Ving Rhames We 2/19 Mia Farrow, The Wallflowers THE TONIGHT SHOW WITH JAY LENO, NBC Mo 2/10 Carrie Fisher Tu 2/11 Bridget Fonda, Troy Aikman, David Bowie We 2/12 Matthew Perry, sci-fi experimenter Ira Katz, Donna D'Errico Th 2/13 Fabio Fr 2/14 Richard Simmons, Babyface, Michael Biehn Mo 2/17 Kevin Bacon, Joan Embery, The Bacon Brothers Tu 2/18 Gwyneth Paltrow, David Lynch We 2/19 Fran Drescher, Sports Illustrated swimsuit cover models Th 2/20 David Hasselhoff Fr 2/21 George Carlin LATE LATE SHOW WITH TOM SNYDER, CBS Mo 2/10 Mark Hamill, John Douglas (private dick in the JonBenet case) Tu 2/11 Rhea Perlman, Deepak Chopra We 2/12 Pierce Brosnan, Dean Koontz Th 2/13 Director Billy Bob Thornton ("Sling Blade") Fr 2/14 Media ranter Jon Katz Mo 2/17 TBA Tu 2/18 CBS's Leslie Moonves, ex-Sen. Bill Bradley We 2/19 Art Donovan Th 2/20 Harry Anderson, Ron Reagan, Jr. Fr 2/21 David Letterman LATE NIGHT WITH CONAN O'BRIEN, NBC Mo 2/10 Whoopi Goldberg, Jack Palance, Simply Red (R 12/19/96) Tu 2/11 Tom Arnold, Big Head Todd & the Monsters We 2/12 Mary Chapin Carpenter Th 2/13 Siskel & Ebert, Jennifer Lopez Fr 2/14 Salma Hayek, Jake Johannsen Mo 2/17 Dr. Ruth, Lou Diamond Phillips, Dave Attel (R 12/27/96) Tu 2/18 Michael Rappaport We 2/19 TBA Th 2/20 Clyde Peeling Fr 2/21 Chevy Chase POLITICALLY INCORRECT WITH BILL MAHER, ABC Mo 2/10 LeVar Burton, Dean Koontz, Edie McClurg, Larry Miller Tu 2/11 Michael Farris, Robert Fulghum We 2/12 Joe Arpaio, Daryl Gates, Ken Osmond, Bob Odenkirk Th 2/13 Special one-on-one with Hugh Hefner Fr 2/14 Tony Brown, Dana Carvey, Suzanne Somers, Marianne Williamson LATE NIGHT WITH CONAN O'BRIEN RERUNS, CNBC Mo 2/10 David Hasselhoff, Dave Thomas, Bill Martin (R11/7/96) Tu 2/11 Richard Dean Anderson, Joe Queenan, Cake (R 11/8/96) We 2/12 Dennis Miller, Ken Follett, Jullette Binoche (R 11/12/96) Th 2/13 Cindy Crawford, Julia Sweeney, Chris Isaak (R 11/26/96) Fr 2/14 Elton John, Bob Saget (R 11/15/96) LATER, NBC Tommy Davidson with ... Mo 2/10 John Singleton Tu 2/11 Vivica A. Fox We 2/12 Dweezil & Ahmet Zappa Th 2/13 Ice Cube THE DAILY SHOW, Comedy Central Mo 2/10 Scott Glenn ("Absolute Power") Tu 2/11 Nicollette Sheridan We 2/12 Nancy Glass ("American Journal") Th 2/13 Chevy Chase CHARLIE ROSE, PBS Mo 2/10 Bill Bradley, Martha Stewart, Rhodes Scholars panel Tu 2/11 Oscar picks panel, Billy Bob Thornton, Richard Attenborough We 2/12 "When We Were Kings" panel, ex-Time Henry Grunwald Th 2/13 Mary Chapin Carpenter (performs), Henry Louis Gates Jr. Fr 2/14 David Lynch, Tibet Benefit panel Mo 2/17 The Goldman family, Ken Burns Tu 2/18 Genady Zyuganov, John Singleton, Amb. Dennis Ross We 2/19 Simon & Schuster's Jonathan Newcomb, Jack Palance Th 2/20 Howard Stern Howard Stern with Charlie Rose?!?! Worth tuning in just to see what Howard does the first time Charlie interrupts him. SPACE GHOST COAST TO COAST, Cartoon Network Fr 2/14 Carrot Top (R) Fran Drescher, Carol Channing, Alice Cooper (R) DENNIS MILLER LIVE, HBO Fr 2/14 Rosie O'Donnell on child rearing HOWARD STERN, E! Mo 2/10 Stuttering John/VH1 Fashion Awards; Andrea, Howard's College Friend Tu 2/11 Phil Collins (I), Bush in the New Studio (I) We 2/12 Phil Collins (II), Bush in the New Studio (II) Th 2/13 Stacy vs. Julie (I), Ralph the Photographer Fr 2/14 Stacy vs. Julie (II), Amy Lynn's Cabaret Sa 2/15 Tim Allen's Hammer (I), Tim Allen's Hammer (II) Also on late nights: NIGHTLINE, ABC CHARLES GRODIN, CNBC CARSON'S COMEDY CLASSICS, Family Channel MAD TV, Fox SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE, NBC SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE, Comedy Central THE CHRIS ROCK SHOW, HBO ====================================================== AARON BARNHART IN THE KANSAS CITY STAR This week: ... "Angst and Angels" (essay on "Millennium" and "Touched by an Angel") ... "Keep talking, 'Old Man'" (Arliss Howard profile) In the archive: ... "Pilot of the airwaves" (Tom Snyder profile) ... "CBS claims it's happy courting older viewers, buuuut ..." (feature) ... "Tuning in to digital TV" (hyperlinked page-one feature) How to find my articles in the Star archive: (1) Go to . (2) Under the "Additional search criteria" heading, type Aaron Barnhart in the "AUTHOR" entry blank. (3) If you're looking for a specific story from the list above, try typing a word from the headline into the top entry blank. (4) Click the Search button. (5) When your search results are returned, you can view the stories by clicking on the button that looks like a tiny newspaper. Currently the Star Library is not friendly to plain jane Web browsers like Lynx. ====================================================== Entire contents Copyright 1997 by Aaron Barnhart. All rights reserved. Distributed by e-mail and BBS to over 10,000 readers weekly. Late Show News is made possible with the generous assistance of ECHO, New York City's premiere online service. Send news for and comments about this newsletter to aaron@tvbarn.com