LATE SHOW NEWS by Aaron Barnhart March 17 & 24, 1997, Issue 147 (no issue next week): The Oscarcast ... "Private Parts" feedback ... "PI" follies ... poor Margaret. HEEEEEEEEERE'S OSCAR There will be no edition of LATE SHOW NEWS next week, and possibly the following week either, as Mr. and Mrs. LATE SHOW NEWS conduct their house move to Kansas City. So you will pardon me if I get the ball rolling on this year's Academy Awards broadcast a little early. The Oscars and the Super Bowl are the last remaining American television spectaculars: programs that dependably attract large viewing audiences, not only here but around the world -- by the way, what kind of ratings does the Academy Awards telecast get in, say, Germany? or Trinidad and Tobago? They're also alike in that both programs go on about 90 minutes longer than they probably need to, and in that most viewers cope with the long tedious stretches of less-than-scintillating air time by organizing "viewing parties" made up of friends and co-workers. And this year, a familiar team returns to bring you all the suspense, or lack of it, the pageantry and wardrobes, or lack of them, that have made the Oscars what they have been for most of the Nineties. Once again, Gil Cates, who has run every Oscarcast since 1990 with the exception of last year's, and the man who infamously cut off Martin Landau's sole acceptance speech two years ago, is the producer; and Billy Crystal is the host, the first time since 1993. Billy was a up-and-coming comedian and actor in 1979 when his idol, Johnny Carson, presided over the Academy Awards in the first of four consecutive appearances as the show's solo host. During the Sixties and Seventies, the producers of Oscarcast had fiddled around with multiple-host arrangements, the better to keep fans' interest. But Carson was not only t.v.'s most popular personality, he was the natural successor to Bob Hope, who hosted the first televised Oscar ceremony and most of the subsequent ones over two decades, as well as the 1978 telecast. Hope's humor never broke the skin, as he flattered his fellows in the Academy with light humor and playful digs. Unlike Hope, Carson acted in only one movie, but most of those in attendance at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion that night had probably been on the "Tonight Show" at some point during his 16 years. And as he began his first monologue, it became clear why he belonged at the front of this room of Hollywood's glitterati. "Welcome to the 51st Academy Awards, two hours of sparkling entertainment spread over a four-hour show," he said, adding, "I see a lot of new faces, especially on the old faces." What made Carson so popular as a host was that he grooved to the increasingly cynical public mood, yet spared those in attendance from his sharpest arrows, thus preserving the special and beautiful mood so essential the absence of which can make any Oscarcast nearly unbearable for its host. Half of his lines that night seemed to be ad libs, all of them exquisitely placed. Small wonder the Academy asked him back again and again. Crystal absorbed it all. A light comedian best known for "When Harry Met Sally" and "City Slickers," he was a popular if infrequent talk-show guest, and millions still knew him from his role on the old ABC sitcom "Soap." He walked comfortably in both the worlds of his studio audience and viewing audience, and no doubt by studying Carson's Oscarcasts perfected the art of playing to both. Crystal's monologues, in my book, have never been especially memorable -- if you saw David Brenner's recent and execrable standup on the Letterman show, you got a taste of the Crystal brand of shtick -- but they were calculated to please the members of the Academy. The high point came in 1992, when Jack Palance gave Crystal a perfect occasion for a running gag. Early in the broadcast, Palance received a make-good Oscar as best supporting actor and proceeded to use his acceptance speech to demonstrate his virility by performing one-handed pushups on stage. Crystal, Palance's co-star in "City Slickers," milked the moment the rest of the evening; for instance, a musical number featuring several young dancers was followed by, "Those were all Jack Palance's children." It paralleled very closely a similar running gag Carson kept going throughout the 1980 broadcast, when an obscure technician named Alan Splet had unexpectedly failed to show for his special achievement trophy. "Here's an Alan Splet update: he's had trouble with his carburetor outside of Barstow," went one joke. Crystal's best line, however, came when Hal Roach took a bow from his seat in the audience on the occasion of his 100th birthday, and then unexpectedly began to address the crowd without the aid of a microphone. After moving his lips for several moments, Roach sat down, and from the stage Crystal said, "I think that's fitting, because Mr. Roach started in silent films ..." and that brought down the house. Whoopi Goldberg got the nod in 1994, and demonstrated that balancing a fickle Hollywood crowd along with bored television viewers was not as easy as Carson and Crystal had made it look. Her monologue had bite -- too much bite. She made cutting remarks about people undoubtedly in attendance, whom producer Cates wisely chose not to put on camera. The Academy received the first solo female host of their big night with civility, and nothing more. But people don't remember much about Whoopi's first hosting gig, in part because she had the good sense to come back last year and try a completely different monologue that had politically astute digs at Bob Dole, Pat Buchanan, and the protesting Jesse Jackson. By the time that show had hit cruising speed, the audience was eating out of her hand. Still, the main reason people don't remember Whoopi's initial go-round is that whatever sins she committed that night were exceeded and magnified the following year by David Letterman. Reviewing that 1995 debacle, it's not hard to see where Dave went wrong: in the first 15 minutes he had lost his audience, skewering Steven Spielberg, Anthony Quinn, Sly Stallone, and even the befuddled leader of the show's house orchestra. Had he chosen safer targets, he probably could've gotten away with that Uma-Oprah nonsense. Letterman was funny, and got funnier as the night went on -- especially after one award winner declared he had to take a pee and Dave then ad-libbed, "I've had to pee since 6:15 and you don't hear me whining about it" -- but the damage had been done early and was not undoable. Rewinding the tape on last year's Oscarcast, however, it's also clear that Whoopi succeeded because her show was produced, not by the unimaginative Cates, but by Quincy Jones, who gave the broadcast a much-needed shot of soulful adrenaline. He turned presentations of costume and sound-effects awards into improbable musical numbers (the latter was done by the performance troupe Stomp) and injected life into just about every aspect of the program -- like having Jackie Chan present the short-film awards with Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, a man very likely twice Chan's size. Big Q had done to Oscar what Arsenio Hall had done to the late-night hour -- reinvented it while keeping enough elements familiar to attract a diverse crowd and neither befuddle nor bore his viewers. As a reward for his efforts, the Academy chose to produce this year's Oscarcast ... Mr. Gil Cates, for the sixth time in seven years, with Mr. Crystal as host. Thus a dilemma very much like the one currently vexing Letterman's late-night program: do a show that delights the studio audience, and you may well put the t.v. audience to sleep; play to the home viewers and risk alienating the people that give you the juice to go on. Much as I like Billy Crystal, I know the Academy likes him even more, and that, in a strange way, gives me the creeps. I fully intend to be in front of my t.v. next Monday night, but somehow I get the feeling that, like that luckless Alan Splet so many years ago, I'll lose my way and wind up somewhere else for this year's Oscarcast. READER MAIL The e-mail came pouring in after my sour take on "Howard Stern's Private Parts," including some clarifications from sharp-eyed readers. Zachary Dalton: "Why didn't you mention Reni Santoni? He played John Agoglia in 'The Late Shift' and played a WNBC executive in 'Private Parts.' The rest of America knows him as Poppie on 'Seinfeld.'" Judy Reimann: "Mr. Stern says that he never called the Air Florida reservations desk to request a one-way ticket to the 14th Street Bridge. He joked about doing so, and bemoans the fact that the story has been distorted ever since. ... Of course, Howard could be prevaricating." A reader named Juli adds, "Don't blame NBC for holding footage of David Letterman interviewing Howard Stern hostage. The real reason that the interview was reshot for the film had to do with the fact that it would have looked funny to add in the real footage of thatinterview. In the movie, Howard wears wigs and such to look as he did at certaintimes in his life. The Howard in the movie would not look the same as the Howard from the Letterman clip. ... when Letterman was on Stern's show several months ago, Letterman actually asked Howard why he didn't just use the actual footage from the original interview." Some readers didn't quite buy the premise of my review, such as Alan Haber: "Life isn't all penis jokes, after all. You want penis jokes, you can listen for four or five hours every weekday morning. I was looking for some insight into the man -- I'm more than satisfied with what I got." Nor did Michael Hoffs, who took a bean-counter's approach: "I would have to agree with you that in Stern's movie, he definitely soft-pedaled the ethnic humor that is sometimes heard on his radio show. Except for the scene where the kids talk about 'the niggers moving into the neighborhood' ... or the joking about the stereotype regarding the size of black men's sexual organs, or the scene where Stern uses a stereotypical black accent and recites a poem about killing white people, there was little in the way of jokes relating to blacks ... You're also right that he steered clear of humor about Asians except of course in the scene where he jokingly describes his days in Vietnam where he says he threw a hand grenade into 'the schoolyard of a gook village' ... Also, notwithstanding the two scenes in the movie where people were showcased for the comic value of their speech impediments, or the scene where Stern portrays a stereotypically effeminate homosexual that gargles and swallows a cupful of his lover's semen, your observation that Stern avoided most of his more controversial humor and played it safe is right on the money." Others, like Ted Ficklen, noticed the difference, but weren't as let down as I was: "My favorite moments on his show are the ones where he seems like the boss on Dilbert come to life. Babba Booey, Stuttering John, Ralph, Grillo, everyone really except for Fred and Robin, have been raked over the coals for their supposed incompetence. Said incompetence usually tends to be an inability to obtain Howard's potato the way he likes it, or a slight unwillingness on someone's part to play a grovelling toady. Howard reveals a dark side of himself on the air rather regularly that is just fascinating to watch. This dark side is noticeably lacking in the movie, replaced by some sophomoric bathroom humor and some Brady Bunch wholesome-ness. But I don't get the feeling that anyone is surprised at this. I mean, this is a Betty Thomas movie, not a Penelope Spheeris movie." But other readers agreed, there's room for concern. "I was a fan when WNBC made him play records, and if he was in a pissed-off mood or got a mediocre ratings book, he would punish the audience by playing Carpenters and Neil Sedaka records for the entire afternoon show. I was there when they would have a guest DJ when Howard would get suspended," writes Jeff Baricko. "There was a time when Howard would reinvest his energies back into his radio show, be it a new movie or TV parody every couple of weeks, the porn report (every Friday, with reveiws and sound bits from the latest XXX release), out-of-the-closet Stern, or traffic reports with Donna faduochebag or Mamma Lakka Booboo Day. "But now all he has time for is talking about himself, instead of something new on the radio show. The show can't even take the time to run a song parody contest, something where the fans do the work and all they have to do is listen. I too can't wait for the movie to be over, and his career to move on. Maybe he's right, the only thing he is not good at is radio -- anymore." I thought the best insight came from reader Gary F., who puts it all in perspective: "As a longtime fan, being recently bombarded by promotional Howard interviews and hearing him say his on-air personality is the 'real' Howard, I'm starting to wonder if either of them are!!!" Two footnotes: "Private Parts" came in third this weekend at the box office, eclipsed by the returning "Jedi" and -- ulp -- "Jungle 2 Jungle," from the surprisingly critic-proof Tim Allen. Howard pulled in $9 million box, bringing his two-week total to $24 million ... And Howard is -- huh? -- Larry King's guest tomorrow night on CNN. Pranksters, please set your redial buttons! BREAKING LATE NEWS Rip Torn has won a $475,000 judgment against Dennis Hopper in a defamation of character suit for comments Hopper made while guesting three years ago on the "Tonight Show," says Variety's Army Archerd. Hopper claimed that Torn pulled a knife on him and was fired during the filming of "Easy Rider" in 1969 ... John Irving was asked at a lecture in Chicago about his recent appearance on "Politically Incorrect," and according to Alex Gordon, who was there, Irving was less than thrilled by his time with Maher & Co. "The panel was discussing the news about fundamental Christians being upset about Pat Boone's new image and Irving said he made a remark to the effect of, Since when should we expect fundamental Christians to have a sense of humor," writes Gordon. "Irving then said that Maher became visibly distressed by the comment and said something to the effect that they don't want to upset the Christians. Irving went on to say that the show should be called 'Politically Careful' and that he can't envision making a return visit any time soon" ... Then there's *this* "PI" recounting from, you have been warned, the National Enquirer: "Chevy Chase and 'NYPD Blue' creator Steven Bochco were caught screaming furiously at each other in a studio parking lot after appearing together on 'Politically Incorrect.' First they sparred on-air when Chevy said network TV today was boring. The verbal battle continued in the parking lot, with Bochco shouting: 'If you don't like TV what are you doing appearing on it?' Chevy shot back: 'All your TV is CRAP!' The furious exec screamed: '(Expletive deleted), you jerk!' then roared off in his car" (thanks Tom Heald, I think) ... An L.A. Times story last week pointed to Dave's rising "hip quotient," mainly by referring to other favorable and highly suspect mentions Letterman has recently gotten in the press, chiefly that wet one TV Guide planted on him in February. Again, Rob Burnett, not Dave, speaks for the show, and again a highly lame comedy bit is cited as "proof" of Letterman's renascence (in this case, that moment in the depressing 15th-anniversary-show "biography" when Alec Baldwin "reveals" that Dave was a Baldwin brother -- or was that a McGinty brother?). And no mention of a Times story from two weeks prior that noted Dave runs *sixth* some nights in L.A., after Leno, Koppel, a couple of syndicated strips and "M*A*S*H" reruns ... Tom Snyder let slip last week that Eye on People, the new cable network CBS is launching later this month, wants to air month-old repeats of "Late Late Show," much as CNBC airs month-old repeats of "Late Night with Conan O'Brien" ... If you're in New York, go see my pal Mike Royce's new comedy extravaganza, "It's Fun to Judge!", Tuesday only at 7 p.m. at Caroline's, 1626 Broadway (between 49th & 50th, just down the street from the Ed Sullivan), $10 cover ... Asked why he prefers doing Letterman's show to Leno's, David Spade told Entertainment Weekly, "I just have more of a Letterman sensibility. Last time I was on Leno, I told this dry story about going to London and I just got stared at. And in the commercial, Leno goes, 'Don't worry -- we're going to cut that out in editing.' I don't think that's ever happened!" ... And Margaret Ray is in a Fond du Lac, Wisc., hoosegow, being held on $2,000 bond and charged with disorderly conduct and resisting an officer in a scuffle outside the Stretch Restaurant and Truck Stop. A waitress there told the AP, "It could have ended in a much different outcome if she had a better attitude." Tom Heald's THIS NIGHT IN HISTORY Mo 3/17: In 1982, "Late Night With David Letterman" stages the "Great Pizza Race." Dave selects three audience members to call three different pizza places: Joe G's, Original Ray's, and Old Fashioned Pizza, and order a pie with everything on them. Old Fashioned Pizza arrives first at 24 minutes, 15 seconds. Tu 3/18: In 1990, "It's Garry Shandling's Show" has its final airing on Fox. It continued for three more months on Showtime. 3/19: In 1986, the "monkey cam" makes its debut on "Late Night With David Letterman." Its groundbreaking use of a videocamera strapped to a monkey would help prepare America for the camerawork on "N.Y.P.D. Blue." 3/20: In 1993, "Saturday Night Live's" Pat sings that... he... uh... she.. uh... Pat knows "all there is to know about The Crying Game" as host Miranda Richardson and special guest Stephen Rea watch spellbound. 3/22: In 1952, Bob Costas is born. Costas served as host of NBC's "Later" from 1988-1994. 3/23, In 1984, "The New Show" last aired on NBC. Prouduced by Lorne Michaels, "The New Show" was almost identical to "Saturday Night Live"... except it was in primetime, on Friday nights, taped, a half hour shorter, and not particularly funny. But, it did have Buck Henry. [Thanks to Dave Tanny, Tim Brooks, Earl Marsh, Michael Cader, Frank Serpas III. Special thanks to the Donz5, did I mention it was his borthday last week?] Got milk? Send some to Tom Heald at ADMIN MATTERS One of the unexpected little pleasures of being a staff writer for a daily newspaper, as opposed to freelancing, is that your work gets puts on the wire and, now and then, picked up by other dailies. Some readers have been kind enough to notify me when this happens with their hometown papers, and the purpose of this announcement is to encourage the rest of you to send e-mail whenever you see the Barnhart byline (Aaron, not business writer Bill, no relation) in your local daily. Thanks, and see you again in two or three. THE LINEUPS (with Sue Trowbridge) LATE SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN, CBS Mo 3/17 Howard Stern, Ray Romano, The Chieftans Tu 3/18 Martin Short, Larenz Tate, traditional Japanese drum group KODO We 3/19 Cindy Crawford, Robert Townshend, Chris Whitley Th 3/20 Dennis Leary, Bridget Hall, Toad the Wet Sprocket (R 1/5/96) Fr 3/21 Elle Macpherson, David Spade, D'Angelo (R 1/31/96) Mo 3/24 Ellen DeGeneres, Raquel Welch, Candlebox (R 4/21/94) THE TONIGHT SHOW WITH JAY LENO, NBC Mo 3/17 Vivica A. Fox, tennis player Carlos Moya Tu 3/18 Jennifer Lopez, Johnny Cash We 3/19 Marlon Wayans Th 3/20 Phil Hartman, Debi Mazar Fr 3/21 James Spader, Siskel & Ebert Mo 3/24 Sharon Stone, Jeff Foxworthy, Robbie Knievel (R 9/20/96) Tu 3/25 Dana Carvey, Amber Valletta, magic group The Pendragons (R 11/22/96) We 3/26 Tom Hanks, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Maria Bello (R 10/7/96) Th 3/27 Oprah Winfrey, Anthony Clark, Lionel Richie (R 11/15/96) LATE LATE SHOW WITH TOM SNYDER, CBS Mo 3/17 Lisa Hartman-Black, Thomas Mallon Tu 3/18 Christopher Buckley We 3/19 John Gregory Dunne, Jennifer Tilly Th 3/20 (preempted due to coverage of NCAA Basketball) Fr 3/21 (preempted due to coverage of NCAA Basketball) LATE NIGHT WITH CONAN O'BRIEN, NBC Mo 3/17 Tori Spelling, Danny Aiello, Eels (R 9/27/96) Tu 3/18 Carey Lowell, Mark Hamill, Mighty Mighty Bosstones We 3/19 Space Th 3/20 Famke Jannsen, Hugh Fink Fr 3/21 Barbara Walters, Halle Berry Mo 3/24 Isabella Rossellini, Jeff Stilson, Art Buchwald (R 9/18/96) Tu 3/25 Jackie Chan, H. Keith Melton, Thora Birch (R 8/15/96) We 3/26 Ellen DeGeneres, Daisy Fuentes, Paul Lukas (R 9/25/96) Th 3/27 Jon Lovitz, Ally Walker, Rusted Root (R 10/23/96) Fr 3/28 Dana Carvey, Garry Marshall (R 10/31/96) Mo 3/31 David Hasselhoff, Dave Thomas, Billy Martin (R 11/7/96) THE DAILY SHOW, Comedy Central Mo 3/17 George Segal Tu 3/18 Jackie Collins (R 3/5/97) We 3/19 Spalding Gray Th 3/20 Jennifer Tilly LATE NIGHT WITH CONAN O'BRIEN RERUNS, CNBC Mo 3/17 Dr. Ruth, Lou Diamond Phillips, Dave Attel (R 12/27/96) Tu 3/18 Tony Randall, Michael Rappaport, Leah Andreone (R 2/18/97) We 3/19 Ben Stiller, Paul Nardizzi, Leon Gast (R 2/19/97) Th 3/20 Alec Baldwin, Penelope Ann Miller, Clyde Peeling (R 2/20/97) Fr 3/21 (preempted by some lame Oscar tie-in special) LATER, NBC Mo 3/17 Dave Chappelle with Billy Bob Thornton Tu 3/18 Dave Chappelle with Regina King We 3/19 Dave Chappelle with Tom Shadyac Th 3/20 Dave Chappelle with Larry Flynt Mo 3/24 TBA Tu 3/25 TBA We 3/26 Doug E. Doug with Loretta Devine Th 3/27 Doug E. Doug with Robert Townsend CHARLIE ROSE, PBS PBS Pledge Month repeat interviews continue: Mo 3/17 Michael Crichton Tu 3/18 Walter Cronkite We 3/19 Whoopi Goldberg Th 3/20 Edgar Bronfman Sr. Fr 3/21 Bill Gates Back to live tapings: Mo 3/24 Chuck Daly, Anthony LaPaglia Tu 3/25 Prof. Ian McHarg *or* Howard Stern (also see Friday) We 3/26 John Seabrook, Horton Foote Th 3/27 Rep. Bob Toricelli Fr 3/28 Howard Stern (or may air Tuesday) POLITICALLY INCORRECT WITH BILL MAHER, ABC Mo 3/17 Dave Foley, Telma Hopkins, Anthony LaPaglia, Michael Medved Tu 3/18 Christopher Buckley, E.J. Dionne, Rod Steiger, Catherine O'Hara We 3/19 Tony Curtis, Bill Engvall, commentator Heather Higgins, Nely Galan Th 3/20 John Gregory Dunne, Mojo Nixon, Kellie Martin, Taylor Negron Fr 3/21 P.J. O'Rourke, Dweezil Zappa, Congressman Jim Leach SPACE GHOST COAST TO COAST, Cartoon Network Fr 3/21 Schooly D and Weird Al Yankovic (R) Adam West, Lee Meriwether, Eartha Kitt (R) DIE HARALD SCHMIDT SHOW, SAT.1 Di 18/3 Heike Makatsch, Gabriel Barylli Mi 19/3 Joerg Knoer, Patricia Kaas Do 20/3 Frank Elstner, Jasmin Gerat Fr 21/3 Die Prinzen, Johannes B. Kerner, Britta Becker Also on late nights: NIGHTLINE, ABC CHARLES GRODIN, CNBC CARSON'S COMEDY CLASSICS, Family Channel MAD TV, Fox SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE, NBC SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE, Comedy Central THE CHRIS ROCK SHOW, HBO WORLD NEWS NOW, ABC UP TO THE MINUTE, CBS ====================================================== AARON BARNHART IN THE KANSAS CITY STAR Coming Up: Save a trip to the archive. Simply go to on the date of publication shown below: ... TV content ratings story (tent. Th 3/20) Archived (see method below): ... "In Toon With the Times" ("Daria"/"King of the Hill") ... "Feds"/"EZ Streets" review ... TV Law (essay on "Law & Order" and "The Practice") ... Bill Cosby profile ... "Angst and Angels" (essay on "Millennium" and "Touched by an Angel") *coming this week* ... Tom Snyder profile ... "Tuning in to digital TV" (hyperlinked page-one feature) How to find my articles in the Star archive: (1) Go to . (2) Under the "Additional search criteria" heading, type Aaron Barnhart in the "AUTHOR" entry blank. (3) Click the Search button. Entire contents Copyright 1997 by Aaron Barnhart. All rights reserved. Distributed by e-mail and BBS to over 10,000 readers weekly. Late Show News is made possible with the generous assistance of ECHO, New York City's premiere online service. Send news for and comments about this newsletter to aaron@tvbarn.com