LATE SHOW NEWS #209 July 7, 1998 by Aaron Barnhart To join or leave the LATE-SHOW-NEWS mailing list, see instructions at end of message. Any Chicagoans out there? Any of you remember a midday radio duo on WLUP-AM about 10 years ago named Tim and Beth? An easygoing married couple, Tim and Beth provided a little bland non-personality antidote to the station's high-octane morning and afternoon drive personalities. People liked them; they started publishing a newsletter for fans of the show. They had a fairly good thing going -- until one day when a hostile caller phoned in to rant. This caller had tried ranting at some of the station's other talent, but he was always cut off after a sentence or two. But not with Tim and Beth. Not nice Tim and Beth. They let the hostile caller go on and on and on about how wrong-headed their opinions were and how much their show sucked and so on, ad nauseam. Tim and Beth just kept listening; I doubt it was in their constitution to do otherwise. I thought of Tim and Beth for the first time in years after watching Howard Stern hijack Earvin Johnson's talk show Thursday night. That broadcast of "The Magic Hour" will go down as one of the great moments of infamy in late night, right up there with Helen Kushnick cancelling a "Tonight Show" broadcast and the first-ever "Chevy Chase Show." What amazes me even now, several days after the fact, is the extraordinary stupidity of Earvin Johnson and his "people" for extending the invite to Stern, and then not withdrawing it despite learning what Stern planned to do on the show. He had demanded that his "band," The Losers, be allowed to perform their flatulent version of "Wipe Out" as a condition for doing the show. He said he would tell the host exactly what he thought of "The Magic Hour," a show he'd been roasting without mercy for three weeks on the radio. Stern told his radio audience that he would embarrass Johnson on the air. And they let him do the show anyway! The whole show! Just as the President and his people foolishly failed to consider that Don Imus would behave at the White House Correspondents' Dinner exactly as he did on the radio, so Johnson & Co. walked right into Stern's trap by agreeing to his ridiculous demands. They have no one but themselves to blame for this debacle. Sure, it produced great ratings for one night. Big deal. It also sealed the fate of "The Magic Hour." Don't even try comparing this to the night Hugh Grant paneled with Leno or the night Letterman came on Conan's show. Those were host-affirming moments, carefully orchestrated behind the scenes in order to buff the image of each person involved. By contrast, what happened Thursday was a train wreck mischieviously devised by Howard because -- well, because he's Howard and there's nothing he and his fans love more than a good prank. And as a result of this prank, the quick demise of "The Magic Hour" is now all but assured. Why? Because Stern exposed every sorry reason why Johnson's show should not go on. He brought up the firing of Johnson's sidekick comic, Craig Shoemaker, forcing the host to admit that the two of them "weren't clicking." Yeah, that's the kind of information I'd want shared on my own program. Stern also exposed Sheila E.'s shortcoming as a TV bandleader: she can't ad lib on the air, musically or verbally. She played "You Light Up My Life" when Stern walked on with Johnson, letting it go on about one or two bars longer than necessary. Then as the show went to commercial, she played it *again.* And every time Stern pushed her buttons -- suggesting at one point that more lesbianism on her part would be exciting -- she froze solid with that goofy grin glued on her face. Above all, Stern identified the central problem with "The Magic Hour" and drove it home. Drove it home and into the garage and got into bed and turned off the light. The central problem is the one I pointed out in LATE SHOW NEWS three weeks ago: "The Magic Hour" is going after all viewers, meaning white viewers, when it should be going after black viewers. Black viewers are the core audience; as long as the show isn't concentrating on them, the show will suck. I would imagine most viewers tuned in that night instinctively knew that. No matter how jovially the host tried to deflect the criticism, the studio audience cheered it wildly (admittedly a pro-Stern faction). And you knew people at home were nodding their heads in silent assent. (A word about the studio audience. I had read the wire story, perhaps you had too, about people trying to hand out tickets to "The Magic Hour" and being rebuffed because nearby someone else was giving away tickets to "The Howie Mandel Show." Besides being a rather mean-spirited news item, it offered shockingly little insight into the cruelties of supply-and-demand that all struggling TV shows face, including Howie Mandel's. Angelenos are jaded to the concept of free TV tickets as it is; when the shill standing outside Graumann's Chinese Theater offers them to you, he's half-expecting you to say no anyway. You can sense it in his voice as he says, "Tickets to a TV taping," with no great enthusiasm.) But the most damning insight from Stern's appearance on "The Magic Hour" was gained from the very fact it happened at all. This show has no compass. That's why its host and producers failed to weigh the ratings and publicity value of Stern against the total absurdity of having Johnson's harshest critic on to tell everyone how crappy "The Magic Hour" is. Any program with the slightest backbone would know better. At least when Jay Leno let himself be bamboozled by Stern into allowing a lesbian kiss on the "Tonight Show" three years ago, he eventually got mad and took back the reins from Howard. (Also, Leno or a producer replaced the original camera shot of the kiss before the show went to air with a shot taken by a camera clear across the studio.) If you're a longtime reader of LSN, you know I take special pleasure whenever one of Stern's minions prank the media. But how long does Captain Janks ever last on the air? Ten seconds? If that? Thursday night Howard Stern *was* "The Magic Hour." The show's producers did the one thing you are not supposed to do on any show -- late night, daytime, cable news, whatever -- which is to let a stranger take your microphone. And if for some reason a stranger *does* take your microphone, you ask for it back, and if the person doesn't comply, you cut off the sound. You go to commercial. You edit out the segment in "post." On Monday, Magic brought the Rev. Jesse Jackson, hoping he could help undo the damage. Too late. The time to undo the damage was between the close of Thursday's taping and the feed to the affiliates. By the way, here's what happened to Tim and Beth back in Chicago: Later that day, the afternoon-drive personalities replayed the tape of the hostile caller and spent a half hour castigating Tim and Beth, in absentia and on the air, for failing to terminate the call. A short time later, Tim and Beth were themselves terminated. Hey look, there's nothing wrong with a broadcaster having a nice personality. But a broadcaster must also have a clue. Earvin Johnson doesn't, and that's why "The Magic Hour" is toast. You can wait to read the obit here in a few weeks. Or you can trust me when I say: This *is* the obit. *** Variety reported last week that hours after the original studio "ankled" Norm Macdonald's next movie project, "Ballbusted," Universal picked it up. Shooting is still on schedule to begin in Vancouver in four weeks. Reader George F. Heller adds, "This sudden change of fortune can be attributed, however, less to Macdonald's pull in the industry than to the respect directors Scott Alexander and Larry Karaszewski command from studio executives. While this will be their first directorial effort, they consistently punch out some of the strongest, provocative, and freshest original screenplays in the business ('Ed Wood,' 'People vs. Larry Flynt'). It is no surprise that Universal, as well as probably every other studio in town, wanted to be in business with them. Norm was basically at the right place at the right time. More power to him." *** Reader mail: Bob Frable gets the prize for being the first to tip me to Howard Stern's appearance on "The Magic Hour." I got his e-mail not long after mailing off last week's issue ... And reader Sidd Pattanayak, a bright kid going to Cornell, had his idealism crushed by an item in last week's LSN. "Nielsen must be doing something with those late night ratings, because there's no way in my mind Jay Leno could be whipping David Letterman in the ratings. I am a 20-year- old college student who has not encountered a single person at school who actually will even admit to watching Leno. Letterman, on the other hand, and Conan are the shows of choice for many college students, it seems. When I went to the TV lounge in my dorm to watch Letterman, there were quite a few people gathered. "I wonder if the Nielsens factor in college ratings--believe me, it's rather sizable, considering a vast majority of college students are up at 11:35." The answer is no. Nielsen does not factor in group viewing areas like dorms, bars and, sadly, prisons, where I'm told TV viewing levels are quite impressive. However, that didn't stop NBC sales staff in the 1980's from charging extree high rates to advertise on Letterman's "Late Night." According to a writer on the show, the network's research found that "an inordinate number of unmeasured viewers" were watching Dave (see LSN #162). *** Tom Heald's THIS NIGHT IN HISTORY tomalhe@aol.com We 7/8: In 1931, Roone Arledge is born. As ABC News President, Arledge not only helped revive "NBC Overnight" in the form of ABC's "World News Now," but in 1995 was crazy enough to announce an entire 24-hour cable network (code-named "Fred") based on "World News Now." Th 7/9: In 1942, a small babe is born into the bigger picture of Michigan - A(lan) Whitney Brown. "A." delivered his "The Big Picture" commentaries to "Saturday Night Live's" Weekend Update from 1985-1991, but can currently be spotted as a correspondent on Comedy Central's "The Daily Show." Fr 7/10: In 1993, "Saturday Night Live Goes Commercial" and prime-time to boot, with Victoria Jackson and Kevin Nealon hosting a clip show of some of the show's best ad parodies. Sa 7/11: In 1967, Look magazine's cover story on Johnny Carson tells "Why He's Still Champ." Su 7/12: In 1948, the mother ship drops Richard Simmons on earth to gather information on fat people, cry on talk shows, worship some Jewish singer and most importantly: sweat. Mo 7/13: In 1996, Danitra Vance is born. Vance was "Saturday Night Live's" first female African-American cast member (if you don't count Garrett Morris in drag). She dies of cancer 8/21/94. Tu 7/14: In 1957, the game show "Do You Trust Your Wife?" gets a new name ("Who Do You Trust"), a new city (New York) and a new host -- Johnny Carson. [Thanks to David Tanny, and Gregory Stanko. Special thanks to Donz5, world champion asteroid driller, if ya know what I mean.] Tom Heald's Dennis Miller FAQ now includes the beginnings of The Dennis Miller Bookstore: http://members.aol.com/thisnite/dstore.html THE LINEUPS with Sue Trowbridge (http://www.interbridge.com/) LATE SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN, CBS Tu 7/7 Mel Gibson, Christine Lahti, Joni Mitchell (R 11/4/96) We 7/8 Cameron Diaz, Adam Arkin, human slinky Venianmin (R 10/1/97) Th 7/9 Geena Davis, Robert Carlyle, Martha Stewart (R 9/4/97) Fr 7/10 Uma Thurman, Mark Wahlberg, Eddie Izzard (R 10/10/97) Mo 7/13 Don Rickles, Rod Stewart THE TONIGHT SHOW WITH JAY LENO, NBC Tu 7/7 Chris Rock, Lena Olin We 7/8 Rene Russo, Gary Noel and his performing Pomeranians, Willie Barcena Th 7/9 Mel Gibson, Cameron Diaz, Smashmouth Fr 7/10 Alicia Silverstone, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Leann Rimes Mo 7/13 Sarah Jessica Parker, Geraldo Rivera, Trisha Yearwood Tu 7/14 Richard Simmons We 7/15 Kids Show-'n-Tell, Jeff Foxworthy, Garcelle Beauvais Th 7/16 Katie Holmes, Matchbox 20 LATE LATE SHOW WITH TOM SNYDER, CBS Tu 7/7 French Stewart We 7/8 Robert Blake Th 7/9 Milton Berle, high school student/author Deonte Allen Fr 7/10 Ben Stiller Mo 7/13 Tom Selleck, Gloria Stuart (R) Tu 7/14 Scott Hamilton, George V. Higgins (R) We 7/15 Natalie Cole, Ruth Reichl (R) Th 7/16 Larry Gelbart, Faith Ford (R) Fr 7/17 Jay Thomas, Rob Morrow (R) LATE NIGHT WITH CONAN O'BRIEN, NBC Tu 7/7 Kristen Johnston, Jimmy Vaughn We 7/8 Todd Barry, Doris Kearns Goodwin Th 7/9 Lena Olin, Rich Hall Fr 7/10 Chris Rock, Judith Martin (Miss Manners), Lucinda Williams Mo 7/13 Cheech Marin, Jonathan Harris, Steven Wright (R 4/8/98) Tu 7/14 Roger Daltrey We 7/15 Ben Stiller, Seth Green, The Brian Setzer Orchestra Th 7/16 Matt Dillon, Jake Johannsen, Ben Folds Five Fr 7/17 Chris Elliott LATER, NBC Mo 7/6 Rita Sever with Jeff Conaway Tu 7/7 Rita Sever with Marcia Clark We 7/8 Rita Sever with Jonny Moseley and Eric Bergoust Th 7/9 Rita Sever with Usher THE MAGIC HOUR, syndicated Tu 7/7 Ernie Hudson, Madylin Sweeten We 7/8 Chris Rock, Bill Nye The Science Guy, Lionel Richie Th 7/9 Lela Rochon, Robert Wuhl, Too Hot Tamales, Steve Harris Fr 7/10 Michael Clark Duncan CHARLIE ROSE, PBS Please note that Charlie Rose listings are very tentative Tu 7/7 Warren Christopher; "cultural values" (i.e., cultural conservativism) panel with Lamar Alexander, Sen. John Ashcroft, Gary Bauer We 7/8 Malcolm Gets, Graciella Danielle, playwright William Finn Th 7/9 Film critic Stanley Kauffman POLITICALLY INCORRECT WITH BILL MAHER, ABC Tu 7/7 Peri Gilpin, Christopher "Kid" Reid, Rep. Pat Schroeder, Stanley Crouch (R 2/24/98) We 7/8 Mimi Rogers, Carol Leifer, San Francisco Mayor Willie Brown, Floyd Brown (R 2/25/98) Th 7/9 Paul Rodriguez, Stefanie Powers, Betsy Hart, Rose McGowan (R 3/10/98) Fr 7/10 Peter Coyote, Trace Adkins, Georgette Mosbacher, Daryl "Chill" Mitchell (R 4/21/98) Mo 7/13 Kenny G, Miss America Kate Shindle, Barbara Olson Tu 7/14 Joe Queenan, Marion Ross, Arianna Huffington, Seth Green We 7/15 Kevin Nealon, Kevin Newman Th 7/16 Reginald VelJohnson, Holly McClure Fr 7/17 Illeana Douglas, Adam Carolla, Kellyanne Fitzpatrick VIBE TV, syndicated Mo 7/6 Suzanne Somers, Sheryl Lee Ralph (R) Tu 7/7 James McDaniel, Mase (R) We 7/8 Swoosie Kurtz, Militia (R) Th 7/9 TBA Fr 7/10 Dyan Cannon, the Lox and Lil' Kim (R) THE DAILY SHOW, Comedy Central lineups not available DENNIS MILLER LIVE, HBO Fr 7/10 Sarah Jessica Parker on "Talk Radio" Fr 7/17 Tom Hanks on "The Space Program" SPACE GHOST COAST TO COAST, Cartoon Network Fr 7/10 Jon Stewart (R) Danny Bonaduce and Branford Marsalis (R) HOWARD STERN, E! Tu 7/7 Jen's Bad Implants (R), Scott Salem Part 1 (R), Brittany Andrews (R) We 7/8 Kielbasa Queen & Slashed Portrait (R), Scott Salem Part 2 (R), Scott In Bra (R) Th 7/9 Nikki Tyler (R), Penthouse Jeopardy Part 1 (R), Puerto Rican Vanessa (R) Fr 7/10 Underwear Water (R), Penthouse Jeopardy Part 2 (R), Sandra Taylor (R) Sa 7/11 Baywatch Angelica (R), Fred's Therapy Fight (R) DIE HARALD SCHMIDT SHOW, SAT.1 lineups not available Also on late nights: NIGHTLINE and WORLD NEWS NOW, ABC MAD TV, Fox SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE, NBC (this season) and Comedy Central (classics) THE RUPAUL SHOW, VH1 LOVELINE, MTV UP TO THE MINUTE, CBS NIGHTSIDE, NBC (going away soon) Entire contents Copyright 1998 by Aaron Barnhart. All rights reserved. Each issue is posted by 12:01 a.m. Central Time on Tuesday to latest.html LATE SHOW NEWS is made possible with the generous assistance of ECHO, New York City's premiere online service. http://www.echonyc.com Send news for and comments about this newsletter to aaron@tvbarn.com