LATE SHOW NEWS #213 August 4, 1998 by Aaron Barnhart To join or leave the LATE-SHOW-NEWS mailing list, see instructions at end of message. A D V E R T I S E M E N T For the past couple of years I've been wanting to write a guide to the upcoming television season in the unique style of LATE SHOW NEWS. This year, I did. BARNHART'S TELEVISION ALMANAC '98 is your companion to the networks' fall prime-time schedules for both new and returning shows, as well as selected syndicated and cable, daytime and, of course, late night. It's written as a reference guide to the new season and is crammed with useful information and descriptions. But it's done in the same freewheeling, opinionated voice I've used every week in this newsletter since 1994. The television industry generates an awful lot of self-congratulatory crap, much of which gets repurposed in the media. BARNHART'S TELEVISION ALMANAC '98 cuts through the crap. After reading it, you'll know what each show is about and why it's on the air instead of some show you liked last year. You'll also get my picks for the fall. There's a detailed look back at the year in television and in the margins you'll find a collection of charts and did-you-knows that will illuminate this wacky industry in new ways. In all, more than 30,000 words on TV aimed at discriminating viewers, not couch potatoes or superfans. (Though they're welcome to read it, too!) BARNHART'S TELEVISION ALMANAC '98 is $9.95 and that includes shipping by first-class mail (add $2 if outside North America). Don't worry, I'll give you your money back if you don't like it. It's also a good way to support LATE SHOW NEWS, if you feel so inclined. I'm now taking preorders online through Kagi, a secure payment processing service that accepts Mastercard, Visa, American Express, Discover and Diners Card. They handle shareware orders for a number of top authors including my friend Kevin Mitchell (GIFConverter). Here's the URL to place your order: http://order.kagi.com/?Q6B&S Preorders will get first priority when the books roll off the presses later this month. For non-credit card or non-Web orders (slower processing), go to this URL: http://www.tvbarn.com/lsn-archive/almanac.html (By the way, if you can think of a better title for this than BARNHART'S TELEVISION ALMANAC '98 -- Mrs. LATE SHOW NEWS still wrinkles her nose at it -- then feel free to e-mail me with your suggestion between now and Friday. If I use your title instead, I'll send you two free copies of the guide.) *** I had a revelation while watching "WCW Monday Nitro" last night, where they were hyping shamelessly that ridiculous "Road Wild" pay-per-view this Saturday in Sturgis, S.D., featuring Jay Leno, Kevin Eubanks and Diamond Dallas Page taking on Hollywood Hulk Hogan and his minions. Remember when NBC lost its rights package to Sunday afternoon football games earlier this year? And TNT lost its half of the Sunday-night package? Weren't they talking about forming a new league together? They didn't specify it would be a *football* league, did they? You see, I think Jay Leno's appearance is just the first of many more guest shots by NBC personalities on upcoming TNT-promoted rasslin' events. Imagine the possibilities! Katie Couric and Matt Lauer tag-teaming opposite the Hulkster! Don Ohlmeyer and Norm Macdonald in a grudge match! (The question there would be, which one would join New World Order?) Seriously, though, there's something about this whole charade that once again teases out the differences between Leno and David Letterman. Sixteen years ago this week Andy Kaufman, then going through his female-wrestling stage, and pro wrestler Jerry Lawlor got into it in a violent exchange on Letterman's show. Kaufman went to his grave without revealing whether or not the thing was staged, or how much of it was staged. (It's hard to believe that throwing coffee in Lawlor's face was in the script.) For Kaufman, it was just another chapter in his surreal autobiography. But who knew at the time it would be just the beginning of a nearly continuous string of oddities that somehow always happened around our Dave? There's no doubt that the level of contrivance on Letterman's show has always been greater than initially meets the eye. That's one of the things that's made his show so much fun to watch: It takes on the aura of unpredictability even when he's just following formula. Leno, though, is not so subtle. He's not interested in crafting a clever alternative reality. Heaven's sake, man, there's no time for that -- he's got *jokes* to tell! In its fixation on current events, Leno's monologue seems to be headed for convergence with the "NBC Nightly News"; he's even using that same blue screen Brokaw has behind him to show video of his guests. Last week's revenge monologue against Whitewater witness Linda Tripp was yet another example. Tripp had complained to an interviewer about all of the jokes being made about her physical appearance "in a manner so mean and so cruel that I pray none of you is ever subjected to that." Leno came back with his usual delicate barrage: "The bad news is the camera adds ten pounds," he said Wednesday after Tripp's comments were televised. "At one point she choked up so badly that all four of her chins were quivering. ... If she took part in the running of the bulls, which side would she be on?" Leno's counterattack made headlines and "The Tonight Show" picked up the best kind of publicity -- the kind that actually gets the show's selling points into the news story. (Much like the p.r. firm that supplied TV stations with previews of the new anti-drug campaign, which in turn made the evening news in scores of cities. The ads won't do one thing to curtail drug abuse among teens but now the non-profit that made the ads is assured of millions more dollars in taxpayer funding.) Speaking of convergence, that's where I see all of I can see it now: Leno against Linda! Kevin taking on Ken! Goldberg pounding Ginsburg! On pay-per-view, live from the Kennedy Center! Lock it in, ba-bee!! *** Someone got the rumor started that CBS executives were pressuring David Letterman to add a sidekick to his show. (As if.) Anyway, Howard Stern got ahold of it and started working it on his morning radio show -- until CBS president Les Moonves phoned in and said such a notion had "never been brought up at any meeting ... with or without David there" (thanks Guardian) ... The Fox Family Channel has picked up 65 episodes of the game show "I Can't Believe You Said That," hosted by would-be late-night host John Salley. The half-hour family-friendly program debuts Aug. 17 ... Memo to Dave: Stop salivating! She's half your age, and then some! And I'm not talking about Jamie Lee Curtis ... "ABC World News Now" anchor Asha Blake has left for KNBC in Los Angeles to host a morning show. In two months, "WNN" has lost its executive producer Bret Marcus and both anchors (Blake and Mark Mullen) and who knows, perhaps it will lose its franchise in the near future. The show's parodist-accordionist Barry Mitchell performed "I Will Survive" last week ... Robert "Morty" Morton has resurfaced. He's co-executive producer, with John Leguizamo, of the HBO adaptation of Leguizamo's one-man Broadway show, "Freak." The special, taped in June at the Cort Theatre in New York City, was directed by Spike Lee and will air at a future date not yet determined. Morty also produced Jon Stewart's live standup special for HBO in 1996. *** Reader mail: While Leno is playing to middle America in Hermosa Beach, here's what Kevin Eubanks is up to, courtesy reader Betty Smallfelt: "Last Saturday night I caught Kevin Eubanks in concert (with Adam Rudolph, percussion) at the Athenaeum, a music and arts library in La Jolla, Calif. There were only about 130 in attendance -- a capacity crowd for this venue -- but it was an evening of totally innovative music. The entire concert was improvised and ranged from jazz, Easern, African and Latin American stylings. Only three selections were played, but the first lasted about 50 minutes and another was just about as long. The audience was in rapt attention throughout, as it took concentration to follow the quick-changing rhythms. It wasn't mainstream -- but it was very interesting" ... Bob Hodge was first to offer a reply to the reader wanting to know, "What is the appeal of Howard Stern?" Bob writes, "I remember the first few times I heard Howard, I wondered what was going on, also. Now that I have become a major fan, I still can't tell you exactly what's going on, except for this: I've become a member of a large cult. The members of the cult come from many different backgrounds, races, social strata, etc. The only thing we have in common is -- we get it. At least, we all think we do. "I think we all see aspects of ourselves (mostly secret, hidden aspects) reflected in this grotesque theatre of the absurd played out for five hours every weekday. We hear an outrageous parody of celebrity worship, where every detail of a person's life is now conversation. And we know that as a group, our right to hear Howard is under constant attack by the combined forces of banality and Christian fundamentalism that threaten to turn our culture into mayonnaise. This wagons-in-a- circle feeling may be an important component to the appeal. Irreverence, sex, and scatology aren't enough; otherwise, the hundreds of Stern imitators around the country wouldn't be so unlistenable. The Stern wit, I feel, is probably the crucial ingredient. If you don't hear wit there, you won't appreciate the rest" ... Apropos of which, Tom Snee writes, "I thought you might be interested in Howard Stern's recent performance in the market where I live, the Quad Cities (Ill.-Iowa). The show airs on our local alternative station, KORB, The Planet (the name reeks of a consultant), and debuted last winter amidst an avalance of hype. The station was aiming Howard squarely at a duo named Dwyer and Michaels, the locally-based sophomoric clowns who are a dominant morning drive #1 in the market at an AOR/Classic Hits station. The Planet's programmers didn't actually expect Stern to beat Dwyer & Michaels in the first ratings book, but they did expect him to eat away at their numbers and finish a strong #2. "He finished #10, in an 18-station market. Even Bob and Tom, the remote controlled comedy team the local CHR station pipes in every morning from Indianapolis, finished above Howard. It really didn't surprise me, though. The Quad Cities is the epitome of "Heartland family values" and is actually more Peoria than Peoria. I wouldn't at all be surprised if the local CBS affiliate doesn't pick up his new Saturday late-night show, or if they do, they bury it at 2 a.m., and still get picketed by local ministers" ... David Porter Miller writes, "In response to your suggestion that Conan O'Brien's first road show be in Cambridge, I ask: Why not really return to his roots with a broadcast from the lovely Roberts & Dubbs Auditorium at Brookline High School? Its 1300-1500 capacity is a fair size for an on-the-road event, and the acoustics are certainly adequate at the minimum. Conan's mixed feelings about the institution of Brookline High and his experiences there would provide the foundation for a very apprehensive homecoming, and some very edgy and exciting television" ... Continuing our global survey, Andreas Magnusson writes, "We've got it better in Sweden than Denmark, obviously. We get to see it one week after its original broadcast on CBS. I can live with that. When it comes to Jay Leno, NBC Europe airs two shows a week, with Conan right after, on Saturday and Sunday nights. I decided to watch last weekend, and my feelings about Leno didn't change: boring, to say the least." Expatriate Bill Coleman says can you top this. "Your readers in Denmark should stop whining about broadcast times," he writes. "If they lived in Korea, they'd have something to whine about. In the city of Taejon (pop. 1,000,000), where I live, the amount of U.S. late night TV available is exactly *zero*, unless you count 'All My Children,' shown around midnight on something called Arirang TV. So all I know about Letterman is what I read in LSN. After 2 years, I'm still going through withdrawal." THE LINEUPS with Sue Trowbridge (http://www.interbridge.com/) LATE SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN, CBS Mo 8/3 Drew Barrymore, Dee Dee Myers Tu 8/4 Nathan Lane, Culture Club We 8/5 Penn & Teller, French Stewart, Wynton Marsalis Th 8/6 Jerry Seinfeld Fr 8/7 Doris Roberts, Blues Traveler THE TONIGHT SHOW WITH JAY LENO, NBC Mo 8/3 Whoopi Goldberg, Jon Cryer, rat expert Debbie Ducommun Tu 8/4 Drew Carey, Carla Gugino, Tony Rich Project We 8/5 Jenny McCarthy, Tom Sizemore, Bobby and Peter Farrelly Th 8/6 Gary Sinise, B-52's, Joe Krathwohl's talking birds Fr 8/7 Yasmine Bleeth, Squirrel Nut Zippers Mo 8/10 Vince Vaughn, Martina Hingis, Backstreet Boys Tu 8/11 Esther Canadas We 8/12 Marisa Tomei, reptile expert Clyde Peeling Th 8/13 Vanessa Williams, Jerry Springer Fr 8/14 Julianna Margulies, Eagle Eye Cherry LATE LATE SHOW WITH TOM SNYDER, CBS Mo 8/3 Angelina Jolie, Donna Shirley Tu 8/4 TBA We 8/5 TBA Th 8/6 Jenny McCarthy, Lou Holtz Fr 8/7 David Brenner Mo 8/10 Rafer Johnson Tu 8/11 Nicholas Turturro We 8/12 Buck O'Neil LATE NIGHT WITH CONAN O'BRIEN, NBC Mo 8/3 Regis Philbin, Paige Turco, The Ukranian National Dance Company Virsky (R 4/23/98) Tu 8/4 Jamie Lee Curtis, Dana Gould, Widespread Panic We 8/5 Joseph Gordon-Levitt Th 8/6 French Stewart, Monster Magnet Fr 8/7 Adam Arkin, Tori Amos, Jim Fowler Mo 8/10 Isabella Rossellini, Jerry O'Connell, The Derailers (R 4/24/98) Tu 8/11 Gary Sinise, L.L. Cool J We 8/12 Dwayne Kennedy Th 8/13 Ray Liotta Fr 8/14 Anne Heche, Mills Lane, Catatonia Mo 8/17 Rosie O'Donnell, Patrick Warburton, Dave Attell (R 5/14/98) Tu 8/18 Don Rickles, Traci Lords, Emmylou Harris LATER, NBC Line-ups not available THE MAGIC HOUR, syndicated Mo 8/3 Boyz II Men, sportscaster James Brown, Denny Dent Tu 8/4 Chico Debarge, Thomas Calabro We 8/5 Tyra Banks, Jeremy London, George Wallace, India Th 8/6 Drew Carey, Brian Austin Green CHARLIE ROSE, PBS Please note that Charlie Rose listings are very tentative Mo 8/3 Lou Holz, Billy Corgan, Jason Patric, Neil Labute Tu 8/4 Tom Clancy We 8/5 B.E.T. President Robert L. Johnson Th 8/6 Helen Hunt, Kyra Sedgwick, Paul Rudd, Nick Hytner; leader of Israel's opposition party Ehud Barak Fr 8/7 TBA Mo 8/10 Ted Koppel (** PICK TO CLICK **) POLITICALLY INCORRECT WITH BILL MAHER, ABC Mo 8/3 Eddie Izzard, Christine O'Donnell, Martin Mull, Jasmine Guy Tu 8/4 Andrea Abbate, Florence Henderson, Larry Flynt, Dan McVicar We 8/5 Rod Steiger, Faye Anderson, Stephanie Miller, Ted Nugent (*** PICK TO CLICK *** ESPECIALLY NRA MEMBERS ***) Th 8/6 Naomi Judd, Mark McGrath, Susan Brooks, Christopher "Kid" Reid Fr 8/7 Bob Odenkirk, Master P, Stanley Crouch VIBE TV, syndicated Mo 8/3 Kristoff St. John, Rocky Carroll, James Rocky Robinson and Joe Perez, Eros Ramazzotti (R 3/9/98) Tu 8/4 Sean Holland, Deanna Brooks; cast members of "Bring In Da Noise, Bring In Da Funk" (R 4/14/98) We 8/5 Thomas Gibson, Shang Forbes, Trisha Yearwood (R 2/11/98) Th 8/6 Traci Lords, Erik Estrada, Ice Cube (R 2/12/98) Fr 8/7 Jacqueline Bisset, Danny Nucci, Jonathan Slocumb, K-Ci & Jo Jo (R 2/13/98) Mo 8/10 Veronica Webb, Tommy Ford, Michele Ohayon, Troop (R 3/16/98) Tu 8/11 Hector Elizondo, Joshua Jackson, Amazing Jonathan, Xscape (R 5/11/98) We 8/12 Star Jones, James Wilder, Judson Mills (R 4/29/98) Th 8/13 Blair Underwood, Andrea Thompson, John O' Hurley, Jay Z with Rell Fr 8/14 Stacy Edwards, Peter Escovedo Orchestra, Destiny's Child (R 3/19/98) THE DAILY SHOW, Comedy Central Mo 8/3 Nick DiPaolo Tu 8/4 Lisa Ann Walter We 8/5 Lemmy Th 8/6 Adam Arkin DENNIS MILLER LIVE, HBO Fr 8/7 Hector Elizondo on "Affirmative Action" Fr 8/14 TBA (season finale) SPACE GHOST COAST TO COAST, Cartoon Network Fr 8/7 Dr. Drew Pinsky, Marc Weiner *** SEASON PREMIERE *** Fr 8/14 Merrill Markoe, Adam Carolla, John Henson Fr 8/21 Greta Van Susteren HOWARD STERN, E! Mo 8/3 Ringo Starr Part 1, Ralph And Condom List (R) Joleen's Implants Part 1 (R) Tu 8/4 Ringo Starr Part 2, Pamela Anderson Part 1 (R), Joleen's Implants Part 2 (R) We 8/5 Igor Sniffs Armpits & Knockers The Clown, Pamela Anderson Part 2 (R), Tammy And Renee Strip (R) Th 8/6 Andy Dick Part 1, Pamela Anderson Part 3 (R), Elephant Boy & Girl (R) Fr 8/7 Andy Dick Part 2, Danielle Brisbois (R), Elaina Beasty (R) Sa 8/8 Leeann The Shot Girl Parts 1-2 (R) MAD TV (FOX) Sa 8/8 "I Love Lucy '97" / "Gassy Clinton" / "Twelve Angry Men and a Vancome" [R-11/8/97 ] (R) SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE (NBC) Sa 8/8 Scott Wolf / Natalie Imbruglia [03/07/98] (R) THE RUPAUL SHOW, VH1 We 8/5 The Laker Girls, Casper Van Dien, Mario Van Peebles, Robyn SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE (Comedy Central) Tu 7/28 Steve Guttenberg, The Pretenders, Penn & Teller 11 a.m., midnight; Christopher Walken, Arrested Development 3 p.m. We 7/29 William Shatner, Lone Justice 11 a.m. & midnight; Tom Hanks, Bruce Springsteen 3 p.m. Th 7/30 Joe Montana, Walter Payton, Deborah Harry 11 a.m. & midnight; Michael Keaton, Morrisey 3 p.m. Fr 7/31 Paul Shaffer, Bruce Hornsby 11 a.m. & 3 p.m. Sa 8/1 Sinbad / Sade 11 AM Su 8/2 Tom Arnold / Neil Young 11 AM Mo 8/3 Bronson Pinchot / Paulina Porizkova / Paul Young, 11 a.m. & midnight; Glenn Close / Black Crowes, 3 p.m. Tu 8/4 Danny DeVito / Willie Nelson 11 a.m. & midnight; Danny Devito / Bon Jovi, 3 p.m. We 8/5 Valerie Bertinelli / Robert Cray Band 11 a.m. & midnight; Harvey Keitel / Madonna, 3 p.m. Also on late nights: NIGHTLINE and WORLD NEWS NOW, ABC LOVELINE, MTV UP TO THE MINUTE, CBS NIGHTSIDE and LATER, NBC (going away soon) DIE HARALD SCHMIDT SHOW, SAT.1 Entire contents Copyright 1998 by Aaron Barnhart. All rights reserved. LATE SHOW NEWS is made possible with the generous assistance of ECHO, New York City's premiere online service. http://www.echonyc.com Send news for and comments about this newsletter to aaron@tvbarn.com