LATE SHOW NEWS #178 November 11, 1997 by Aaron Barnhart NOTE: I'm going to stop rating issues because the people who object to the language are unsubscribing anyway. Bill Scheft cost me two subscribers just last week. But I am adding a warning label to the greeting notice sent to people joining the list -- for those of you who give a ... *** Some of you have made the "Late Show Top Ten Archive" a regular stop on your Web surfing expeditions. This searchable trove of every list Letterman has counted down since 1993 has always been one of the highlights of the Internet and takes the custom of posting Top Tens online to the next level. But in recent weeks, the archive has vanished, prompting some readers to wonder if CBS had carried net censorship to the next level, not simply repressing other people's content like NBC and Fox have done, but that of its own content providers. Not to worry, says a spokesman at CBS's online unit. The network has outsourced its Web site to yet another company in exchange for more bells and whistles than ever before. But the Top Ten archive will need its scripting converted before it can go up on the new provider's site. That, said the spokesman, will take about two weeks. *** LATE SHOW NEWS has viewed the Oct. 21 appearance of Conan O'Brien on Germany's "Die Harald Schmidt Show." As you may recall, O'Brien went to Cologne and Amsterdam to promote NBC Europe, which has been airing "Late Night" for the past two years, along with other fine NBC-owned productions like "Today" and "Mr. Rhodes." For those of you new to the list, "Die Harald Schmidt Show" airs on Germany's SAT.1 network, which allegedly bought the national TV rights to "Late Show with David Letterman" for the sole purpose of keeping it off the air there. When you watch Schmidt's show, you get some idea why this rumor has credibility. Here's how I described it a year and a half ago in the Voice: "When it comes to shameless intellectual larceny, Jay Leno has nothing on this amazingly lifelike 'Late Show' clone, which swipes nearly every on-air element of Letterman's program, right down to Dave's well-worn hand-chopping motions. It starts with the show's opening, a familiar montage of city-at-night copter shots (the city in this case is Cologne, not New York) and floating TV graphics (a rectangular one for the show title, an oval one for the band). That's followed by a smirky intro ('And now, the secret son of the Queen of England . . . Harallllld Schmidt!') as we segue to the inside of the old theater restored especially for this show. Maybe recycled is a better word: From the brick-paneled backdrop to the shiny red floor and the host's neutral-colored 'home base,' this is Letterman's set to a tee." In the time since I wrote that, the set hasn't changed, but the show has appeared to find its own personality and won itself an extension through 2001. To the O'Brien show's amazement, however, the Schmidt gang still isn't above lifting whole elements of U.S. late night programs; the night before heading off to Europe, Conan and company watched on tape a dead-on German replica of their "Clutch Cargo" sketch. Upon his arrival at the Capitol Theater, O'Brien chatted with Schmidt, then filmed an interview for later use on "Late Night" (it may air as early as tonight, according to the show's producer, Jeff Ross). Schmidt, good European that he is, speaks fluent English. So it was disconcerting for O'Brien to be talking naturally with Schmidt one minute, and then awkwardly stumbling through a mediated interview in German with him the next. During his panel, which happened toward the end of the Schmidt show taping, Conan came out on stage fitted with an IFB (earpiece fed by an offstage voice, in this case an interpreter), said hello to Harald, who puts an IFB in *his* ear and said hello back in English -- the last English, it turns out, he would speak during the segment. Harald asked his questions in German; Conan's interpreter translated and Conan then tried to answer as quickly as possible, before the audience interpreter's lag time enlarged any further. Here's my question: What is *Harald* listening to? The IFB? Doubtful: The guy understands English perfectly, and surely there's nothing more annoying than hearing someone *else's* translation of what you yourself are translating in your head. Maybe it's a visual ruse to make the audience feel better, and Harald's earpiece is simply hooked up to Conan's lapel mike. At any rate, Conan acquitted himself, getting several laughs and a few rounds of applause out of Harald's audience, which seems to have become a lot giddier, a lot more like their American counterpart (unfortunately), in the past year. Then Conan's eight-minute segment, and the show, were over, and the two hosts went their separate ways: O'Brien, home to create more comedy, and Schmidt, back to his office to appropriate it. *** Ray Richmond reports in Variety that guest Fran Drescher, during a Nov. 4 appearance on "The Tonight Show," *made up* a story about accidentally gouging herself with a kitchen knife. "Drescher apparently made up the anecdote to have something funny to discuss on the show, which explains Leno's amazement at Drescher having no scar in the spot of her alleged injury," writes Richmond ... A Jay Leno animal stunt gone awry and a Lucy Lawless travail on "Saturday Night Live" will be featured on Dick Clark's latest blooper-reel package, airing from 8 to 9 p.m. Eastern time Wednesday on NBC (which five or six of you may remember as the former air times of "The Tony Danza Show," now on hiatus, and "Built to Last," which apparently wasn't) ... Can't say for sure, but that looks like a pre-tape of Letterman's scheduled Nov. 12 interview with Marv Albert. And the promos are billing it as a "one-on-one" as opposed to Marv just dropping by the show ... "USA Up All Night's" Rhonda Shear will host the TV version of Chuck Shepherd's "News of the Weird," scheduled to air on USA as a weekly in 1998 ... Howard Stern is scheduled to interview Jeff Lewis, author of a new book about David Letterman's college years, on Thursday. That's the day the book, entitled "The Sweetheart of Sigma Chi," is being released. You can preview the book at http://www.lettermancollege.com/ ... Leno's appearance on Howard Stern's show is replayed, both parts, Saturday on E! ... *** Reader mail: Anne Raugh writes, "Your mention of the 'Roxbury Guys' reminded me of one reason why, for me at least, 'The Daily Show' has it all over 'Saturday Night Live': TDS will retire a bit BEFORE it starts collecting Social Security, hanging out in the park feeding pigeons and driving in the left lane of the highway at 20 mph with the turn signal on. I still remember fondly 'This Day in Hasselhoff History,' 'Required Reading,' 'Trivial Compromise,' etc., mainly because they were never allowed to get stale. If only the 'SNL' writing battalion would catch on." Henry Nunes speaks for many in writing about last week's item where Jay Leno read two-year-old Hugh Grant jokes in order to prove a point: "A joke archive is damn handy to have around. It's a bonus when some of the lines are still funny a few years later" ... Rich Murphy writes, "I can't believe that person is complaining about the show she went to on Halloween. I have gone to Dave's show twice (5/15/97 and 7/23/97). It was the greatest experience of my life. I have been a big fan of Dave all my life and was thrilled to see him in person. Maybe the show was a little bit old but how can he keep doing new stuff 365 days a year. It is tough. Give him the benefit of the doubt. Jay Leno made himself by copying Dave. Dave is the greatest next to Carson. That just upset me to see someone who calls themself a fan putting down Dave. Real fans stick with them through thick and thin" ... Traci Gilland also had a positive experience recently. "Dave came out for maybe two minutes and did not call on me even though I sat three rows directly in front of him (both nights) and had my hand politely raised. This was my only disappointment. Made a mental note to wear a low cut sweater and look more conservative next time out." But regarding the music, "to use a well-worn phrase, the band ROCKED! Great musicians who really seemed to enjoy themselves. They broke into "Once In A Lifetime" after David Byrne's performance and he stayed on stage to sing a verse or two. Will and Sid are great guys as well. I still have Sid's guitar pick on my nightstand" ... Then there's Ken Rimer, who writes, "I have to wholeheartedly agree with the (letter-writer's) experience. They treat the audience terribly, and take them for granted. I have been to at least 50 tapings of Johnny Carson's 'Tonight Show,' and it was always a wonderful time. Johnny spoke with the audience after the monologue. I always felt like I was a part of the show. At Carson's show, Ed always did the warmup. And even though you'd heard it before, there was audience participation in that if you knew the lines, you could take part in his bit. Very clever. "But not so with Letterman. First of all, it is *really* dark in the studio. They play camera tricks with it and it looks normal on TV. The warmup is totally lame. A few jokes by a has-been comic, and then they show you some video tape of Dave which you have already seen. (At the show I went to, it was dave playing golf, music 'Walking on Sunshine.' You've all seen it, eh?) Letterman walks out about 30 seconds before the show starts to give the audience a buzz, and then goes behind the curtain, and walks back out. If he doesn't do something nice in that 30 seconds, then you can basically watch the show on TV because you get the same experience. At the end of the show he might give a 'thanks for coming, see ya soon,' but that is it. I would say he is arrogant about the audience" ... And in case you're still waiting for your "Late Show" tix, I should note that I've received wildly varying reports from fans about ticket turnaround times, anywhere from a few weeks to -- well, here's what Eileen D'Angelo writes: "I'm in Florida - took me two years to get my first tix (but that was over a year ago) and I'm still waiting for another set." Several of you are particularly fed up with the Web and e-mail request systems; maybe you should be trying so-called "snail mail" instead ... Greg Van Bastelaar writes, "Sinbad is permanent host of 'Vibe'? Great! 'Vibe' is a lot better now that Chris is gone. Sinbad is hilarious! I love his monologues - they're not just jokes about current news issues, he also throws in rants that could be used in a standup routine" ... And here's how enterprising reader Matt Yuen responds to an item in last week's issue in which Native Americans are calling for a boycott of "SNL": "If this is true, then I might *start* watching SNL just so I can *stop* watching." *** Tom Heald's THIS NIGHT IN HISTORY Exclusive to LATE SHOW NEWS tomalhe@aol.com Tu 11/4: In 1978, on "Saturday Night Live," the wild-and-crazy Festrunk brothers (Steve Martin & Dan Aykroyd) make their final appearance, frightening off "foxes" Jane Curtin, Gilda Radner, and Laraine Newman by showing them a "Bratislavan vibrating machine" -- a drill with a feather duster attached to the end. We 11/5: In 1991, "NBC Nightside" debuts with anchors Kim Hindrew and Tom Miller, bringing overnight viewers the latest headlines from the news capital of North America ... Charlotte, North Carolina? Th 11/6: In 1985: On "Late Night with David Letterman," proof of how cold Letterman keeps his theatres. In a "New Gifts" segment, Letterman pulls back a shower curtain to display staffer Richard Scheckman simultaneously showering and using a copy machine. Unbeknownst to Dave until that instant, the Scheckman is completely naked. Fr 11/7: In 1991, Aaron Spelling's soft-core crime drama "Silk Stalkings" debut as part of the CBS "Crimetime After Primetime" lineup. In a unique arrangement, episodes of the show aired in CBS late night, repeating three days later in prime time on cable's USA Network. Sa 11/8: In 1990, one day after disclosing his HIV positive status, Magic Johnson chooses to be interviewed by friend Arsenio Hall, delivering "The Arsenio Hall Show" a 9.9 rating, the highest in its history. Su 11/9: In 1985, Dennis Miller begins a five-season stint as host of "Saturday Night Live's" "Weekend Update." Mo 11/10: In 1980, two weeks into a fitful session of co-hosting "The Tomorrow Show," Rona Barrett refuses to appear on the air with Tom Snyder. Tu 11/11: In 1978, "Saturday Night Live" host Buck Henry obtains new shatterproof tortoise shell (real tortoise) eyeglasses from ... Futaba, "Samurai Optometrist." We 11/12: In 1996, the semi-talk show "Dennis Rodman's World Tour '96" debuts on MTV. You may now kiss the freak in the wedding gown. Th 11/13: In 1989, Time Magazine declares, "We are seeing the future of the TV talk show, and it is, well, funky." On the cover (and in the house), Arsenioooooooooooooooo Hall. Fr 11/14: In 1991, "Studio 59" (formerly "Into The Night with Rick Dees") airs its final show in ABC late night. Sa 11/15: In 1986, after five guest appearances performing his standup comedy on "Saturday Night Live," Sam Kinison finally hosts the (expletive) show. Su 11/16: In 1989, on "Late Night with David Letterman," Letterman bludgeons the Energizer Bunny with a baseball bat. Mo 11/17: In 1944, "SNL" executive producer Lorne Lipowitz (Michaels) is born. More importantly on this night in 1996, Aaron Barnhart e-mails Tom Heald, asking him why don't you turn this stuff you've been sending me into a weekly column? [Thanks to everyone who's helped make this first year a success, including Dave Tanny, Tim Brooks, Earl Marsh, Michael Cader and Frank Serpas III. Special thanks to the Donz5, who saw Regina Lasko first. Join Tom Heald and the faboo PantsMon, Wednesday night from 11PM-3AM ET in Late Show Online's "El Chat" room on America Online. (Keyword: LateShow) for probably more Marv Albert jokes than necessary.] THE LINEUPS with Sue Trowbridge LATE SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN, CBS Tu 11/11 Claire Danes, Michelle Kwan, Lorrie Morgan We 11/12 Marv Albert, football kid Daniel Scribner, John Fogerty Th 11/13 Bill Murray, Alison Eastwood, Matchbox 20 Fr 11/14 Don Rickles, Heather Graham, the Shenyang Acrobats Mo 11/17 Richard Simmons, Venus Williams, Wynonna Tu 11/18 Elvis Costello We 11/19 Sigourney Weaver, David Brenner, Trisha Yearwood Th 11/20 Danny DeVito, Sarah Michelle Gellar, the cast of the Broadway musical "The Lion King'' THE TONIGHT SHOW WITH JAY LENO, NBC Tu 11/11 Vanessa Williams We 11/12 Kids show and tell, Matt LeBlanc, Tim Russert Th 11/13 Cindy Crawford, Denis Leary, Blue Man Group Fr 11/14 TBA Mo 11/17 David Spade, Julie Scardina, Lance Burton Tu 11/18 John Cusack, Traci Lords, Jamiroquai We 11/19 Donald Trump, Mia Kirshner Th 11/20 Yanni LATE LATE SHOW WITH TOM SNYDER, CBS Tu 11/11 Bill Murray, William Diehl We 11/12 Patrick Duffy, Art Linkletter Th 11/13 Jennifer Tilly, Jenny Jones Fr 11/14 Kate Mulgrew Mo 11/17 Bonnie Hunt, Carl Hiaasen LATE NIGHT WITH CONAN O'BRIEN, NBC Tu 11/11 Bryant Gumbel, Francis Ford Coppola, Green Day We 11/12 Matt Lauer, Lisa Rinna, James Ellroy Th 11/13 Peter Gallagher Fr 11/14 Bill Murray, Patti Smith LATER, NBC Tu 11/11 Cindy Crawford with Kobe Bryant We 11/12 Cindy Crawford with Neil Patrick Harris & Rent Th 11/13 Cindy Crawford with Howie Mandel CHARLIE ROSE, PBS Mo 11/10-We 11/12 TBA Th 11/13 Dominick Dunne Fr 11/14 Placido Domingo, Jackson Browne, Bill Murray POLITICALLY INCORRECT WITH BILL MAHER, ABC Tu 11/11 Dinesh D'Souza, Quincy Jones, David Cross We 11/12 David Boaz, Peri Gilpin Th 11/13 Ron Silver, Jane Chastain, Mike Medavoy VIBE TV, syndicated Tu 11/11 Howie Mandel, Sounds Of Blackness, Roger Troutman, The O'Jays We 11/12 Jamie Foxx, "100 Black Men," Tommy Hilfiger, The Gap Band Th 11/13 Ming-Na Wen, Dru Hill Fr 11/14 Jenny Jones, Vincent Gibson, Jr. KEENEN IVORY WAYANS, Syndication Tu 11/11 Faith Ford, Luc Robitaille, Boyz II Men We 11/12 Vincent Young, Carlos Mencia, Rakim Th 11/13 Ice T, Kerri Strug, Vanessa Williams Fr 11/14 Sharon Lawrence, Darius McCrary, Lori Loughlin Mo 11/17 Gena Lee Nolin, Mark Curry, Ice Cube, Snoop Doggy Dog and Mack 10 Tu 11/18 Alexandra Paul, Sheryl Lee Ralph, Lisa Stansfield We 11/19 George Lopez, the cast of "Rent" Th 11/20 Carmen Electra, Rosa Blasi, God's Property HOWARD STERN, E! Tu 11/11 Paul Rodriguez and Wuz Up Part 1, To Tell The Poof 2 Part 1 (R) We 11/12 Paul Rodriguez and Wuz Up Part 2, To Tell The Poof 2 Part 2 (R) Th 11/13 Tori Spelling Returns Part 1, Gary Fannon Released (R) Fr 11/14 Tori Spelling Returns Part 2, Ray 'Boom Boom' Mancini (R) Sa 11/15 Jay Leno Parts 1 - 2 (R) THE DAILY SHOW, Comedy Central Tu 11/11 Lynn Whitfield We 11/12 Gayle O'Grady Th 11/13 Bill Murray DIE HARALD SCHMIDT SHOW, SAT.1 Di 11/11 Barbara Eligmann, Wolfgang Groenebaum Mi 12/11 Uwe Ochsenknecht, Sanja Nowara Do 13/11 Gaby Koester, Til Schweiger Fr 14/11 Dieter Bohlen, Hera Lind SPACE GHOST COAST TO COAST, Cartoon Network Fr 11/14 Rob Zombie, Raven Symone Fr 11/21 John Henson, Bob Goen Also check out for a video preview of the next episode. Also on late nights: NIGHTLINE and WORLD NEWS NOW, ABC CHARLES GRODIN, CNBC MAD TV, Fox SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE, NBC (this season) and Comedy Central (classics) THE RUPAUL SHOW, VH1 LOVELINE and ODDVILLE MTV, MTV UP TO THE MINUTE, CBS NIGHTSIDE, NBC Entire contents Copyright 1997 by Aaron Barnhart. All rights reserved. This month's e-mail circulation: 11,019 subscribers in 53 countries. Guest lineups are updated throughout the week by Sue Trowbridge at LATE SHOW NEWS is made possible with the generous assistance of ECHO, New York City's premiere online service. Send news for and comments about this newsletter to aaron@tvbarn.com