LATE SHOW NEWS #179 November 18, 1997 by Aaron Barnhart I don't think Marv Albert can ask for a much better friend in the business than David Letterman -- and yet it still wasn't enough to pull his sorry ass out of the muck he's made of his career. Watching Marv struggle through an uninterrupted 20-minute segment on "Late Show" last Wednesday, I was reminded of the stories of some of Dave's old pals from his days in standup comedy who would call Letterman up more often than was appropriate, begging for a writer's spot or another chance to do the show. There comes a point in the relationship where the strain is more than the amount of goodwill that a person can reasonably be expected to extend. I believe we just watched Marv Albert exceed that limit with Dave. Not knowing anything about him personally, we wanted to think that he was guilty of anything; that it was all just a big extortion scheme by one unstable woman; and that the tabloids were simply getting their kicks out of unsubstantiated claims regarding the private life of one of our favorite sportscasters. Thankfully, Letterman was our advocate Wednesday, refusing to let Marv off the hook until he answered -- or had proven to the rest of us that he really could not answer -- these two basic questions: One, if he truly was innocent of all charges, why then did he plead guilty the day after a surprise second witness testified against him? And two, why was his own account of the years when he was, er, "curious" so out of whack with what every shred of evidence suggested, from the fairly recent date of the alleged assault to the dead dominatrix's black book with his name in it? And although Marv's responses were disappointing and even disheartening to hear -- new variations, essentially, on the tried and true "the bitch set me up" theme -- there was something very satisfying about Dave's performance as he avoided what could well have turned into a game of slo-pitch softball. (The show's executive producer Rob Burnett had promised Howard Stern earlier in the week that this would be unlike any interview Dave had ever done before. He was right.) Perhaps Marv wouldn't have done the interview had he known the line of questioning that Letterman, with caution and self-deprecation, would doggedly pursue the entire segment. But he did, and he's done, and that's that. Let's move on. *** Michael Moore did two tapings this weekend for the prospective nightly talk show the Fox network is thinking of giving him. Our mole attended Sunday's session at the Sony Music studios in midtown Manhattan and gave LATE SHOW NEWS a blow-by-blow. Director Don Mischer, who's won more Emmys than anyone in the history of creation, did the pre-warmup warmup, telling the audience that "this is first time Michael's ever tried this and he's nervous." Then it was time to pass out the fake pistols to the audience. The joke was that Michael would announce that "anyone NOT armed will not be admitted into the show," and the camera would pan the audience to show everyone holding up their weapons. Later, the guns were confiscated when someone in the audience actually *shot off* theirs during a Molly Shannon interview segment. The gun bit was apparently typical of many of the bits tried during the taping -- decent concept, but somewhat forced and "eh" as actual humor. The warmup comic, Mike Sweeney, was "boring," according to my source, but Moore's theme and bumper music selections were all terrific, not surprising considering the music that was created for "TV Nation." The announcers were that guy Louie Bruno and his boyhood pal Lucky from the Bronx. You'll recall that on "TV Nation" in 1995, Michael offered up Louie as a presidential candidate and sent him to New Hampshire to stump opposite Bob Dole. The show's highlights included a taped bit in which Moore asked questions of President Clinton and then, through the miracle of highly manipulative tape editing, Clinton gave hilarious responses; a segment in which Moore landed on the island where Bill Gates' Seattle mansion is located and attempted to present the Microsoft CEO with a housewarming gift; and an interview segment with the always-prepared, always hysterical Jon Stewart. "He looked a little rusty but not nearly as hyper and nervous as Conan was in the beginning," reports my mole. "Michael *has* to work on his interview skills ... the only interview that worked was Jon Stewart and that was because Jon came with enough material to carry his segment. And except for Jon, the interviews just didn't work with the tone of the rest of the show. ... I do have some concern that Michael Moore could do this five days a week. Once a week -- yes." Which brings up a very good point: Moore and his wife and producer, Kathleen Glynn, confirm that "TV Nation" is ready to kick back into production -- just as soon as a U.S. network is ready to commit to putting it on the air. The show is already budgeted for another season, thanks to the BBC and a consortium of European networks, who all are crazy for it. But if that's true, and all Moore is doing with this pilot is another version of "TV Nation" as a watered-down strip (i.e., nightly program), why doesn't ABC or Fox simply pick up the established show and make it the new "Fridays"? *** Jeff Lewis spoke with LATE SHOW NEWS Monday about "The Sweetheart of Sigma Chi," his new book about the college years of David Letterman. As seen on his Web site , this is an unauthorized chronicle of Dave's formative college years and includes samples of his humor from that time. Reading it, you'll see, said Lewis, that "the stuff (Letterman's) been doing for 15 years, he was doing back before television harnessed him." Lewis was supposed to appear on Howard Stern's show last Thursday, but that's been rescheduled to this Thursday the 20th. Lewis will call in from his office in Indianapolis while a crew from the E! channel captures him on camera for possible future use. Lewis says the Stern gang is planning to drop in some ancient Dave clips for the TV version of their interview. Does Lewis have any idea why Howard is so interested in his book? "None whatsover," said Lewis, who by day is president of a small opinion research firm in Indianapolis. Does he have any clue what Howard will want to ask him? No, said Lewis, "Other than trying to find out the size of David's schwanz .. and my answer is of course that, by Sigma Chi standards, it was about average." I asked Lewis when was the last time he'd talked with Dave? "I haven't talked with him in years," he said, "but we communicate regularly through writing and through the medium of Laurie Diamond (Letterman's longtime personal assistant). Dave is just completely, totally consumed by the show and has been for years, to expense of everything else in his personal life. ... Dave brings that pressure on himself and it completely consumes him." Some people will wonder why Lewis would choose this time to write the book. In truth, it has been on the back burner since at least 1985, when Lewis and Letterman made an appearance on the Phil Donahue show. From that point on, said Lewis, "Everywhere I went people would introduce me as a fraternity brother and good friend of Dave. So people would say, 'Tell me a story,' and the stories would start. And a friend of mine told me, 'You've got to write a book. These stories are too good not to tell.' And I said, One day I will." Besides telling some tales out of school, Lewis hopes that people who are unfamiliar with Letterman's background come to appreciate through this book how far their Dave has come. "Here's a totally, completely middle-class kid. He goes to an obscure college, leaves (Indianapolis) essentially a failure -- he didn't get the TV show he wanted, his radio show was a bust -- he goes to L.A. and seven years later he's hosting his own show. *And he did it without kissing anybody's ass.* Dave is the first host of the boomer generation. It's a great story, but he's been very reluctant to tell people about his formative experiences." Lewis agreed with my assessment that too many nights, "Late Show" seems a joyless exercise for Dave. Just this week, Ed Bark of the Dallas Morning News published his account of attending the Oct. 30 taping that pretty much confirmed that of the discouraged audience member who letter appears in LSN #177. It's worse, said Lewis, because of the "managed-care environment" that is Letterman's TV fiefdom, and because Dave's such a frigging workaholic. "I've written him several times to say he's not having any fun. And he writes back and says, 'I don't have time.' Well, you've got to take time to make time." "One of the beauties of when he first started out was he'd say, 'What's the big deal? It's just television,'" said Lewis. "He doesn't say that anymore ... It's gotten increasingly tiresome and laborious for him to go out time after time after time, and it shows." Lewis said he wrote the book partly to get former fans back on Dave's side. "Part of my attitude was, 'Let's just do the book and maybe people will see him a different light,'" he said. "The Sweetheart of Sigma Chi" rolls off the presses this week; look for a review here soon. *** I have a copy of "Live on Letterman," the new CD being released today of 14 music appearances on "Late Show," but I haven't had time to listen to it. My colleague at the Kansas City Star, Tim Finn, has, however, and here's his review: "The bad news: First, Jewel is on this disc, haranguing us again with her goopy, overplayed love ballad, 'You Were Meant for Me.' And as if it would somehow help the song, Flea of the Red Hot Chili Peppers accompanies her on bass. ... Second, Van Morrison and Sinead O'Connor sing 'Have I Told You Lately That I Love You?' like neither knew the other was there. The result: more than four awkward minutes of bumbling dysfunction. At one point, O'Connor actually blurts out, 'Ooops!' Someone should have told them both to shut up and let the Chieftains play. "The good news: The last three cuts on this make the record worth having: R.E.M.'s raw and ragged rendition of 'Crush With Eyeliner'; Lenny Kravitz's metal-blues romp through 'Are You Gonna Go My Way'; and Patti Smith's groovy cover of Bo Diddley's 'Who Do You Love.' Before that, Lyle Lovett and Al Green do a nice job on 'Funny How Time Slips Away.' ... Grateful Dead fans might want this record for their scrapbooks: Jerry Garcia and David Grisman open the record with 'Friend of the Devil.'" *** Joe Bob Briggs, the Saturday-night "Monstervision" host on TNT whose "altar ego" apparently is out of a job at Comedy Central -- "The Daily Show" is reportedly ending his "God Stuff" segment -- hosts a special movie, "Four Days in November," the riveting 1964 documentary about President Kennedy's killing, at 11 p.m. Eastern this Saturday on TNT. In the studio with Briggs are Mel Stuart, who made the movie, and newspaperman Bob Porter, who now presides over the 6th floor museum at the Texas School Book Depository. Briggs interviews them following commercial breaks in the movie's presentation. After viewing it, I can't believe I was so enamored at the time of Oliver Stone's filmmaking style in "JFK." Mel Stuart did it first -- and better -- three decades earlier! I know, I know, I'm starting to read like Larry King's column ... Fran Drescher piped off to our pal Ellen Gray of the Philadelphia Daily News about the made-up story she told Jay Leno on the "Tonight Show" about cutting herself with a knife. "I'm a comedienne and I don't think that Variety has ever thought to put on its cover that Jerry Seinfeld said, 'I met a man on the subway,' (when everybody knows) that he doesn't go into the subway," fumed Fran. Yeah, but, as Ellen pointed out, the L.A. media doesn't have 300 moles watching the subways to see which celebrities are riding the train. But it *does* have moles galore who watch the hospitals to see which celebs have been admitted for knife wounds and other injuries ... The hottest late-night personality in L.A.? It ain't Keenen or Sinbad, but Jerry Springer. The 11 p.m. showings of his anything-goes talk show on KCAL has done such great numbers that the station's adding a repeat at 9 a.m. Nationally, Jerry's overnight numbers in the 38 metered Nielsen markets hit an all-time high last month ... Lots of people mentioned in LATE SHOW NEWS won CableACE awards over the weekend, but Craig Kilborn wasn't one of them so who cares? ... Dave's chat with Marv gave him season-high overnight ratings of 4.6% of households with a 12 share of TVs in use. But "Late Show" still trailed "Tonight" (5.6/15) and "Nightline" (5.5/14) ... "Vibe" with new host Sinbad and "Keenen Ivory Wayans" with same old host Keenen are *both* up in the ratings the past two weeks ... Well, that was fast: CBS got the Top Ten List archive back up on the Web seemingly hours after LATE SHOW NEWS reported on it last week. But as reader John MacWilliamson points out, "You cannot browse through the Top Ten lists any more. It used to be wonderful to skim through the lists and pick out titles you wanted to see. Now, however, you can only bring up Top Tens if you know a keyword. You cannot even search by date, which is also bad." Actually, I had some luck typing in "/97" as the keyword, which brought up all of the 1997 lists through roughly the middle of last month ... And speaking of new Web attractions, reader Michael Marquette writes, "Two weeks ago I used the new ticket ordering on the 'Tonight Show' Web site and it worked great. I received a confirmation via e-mail in about five minutes, which then was exchanged for actual tickets by one of the pages while waiting in line the day of the show." *** Reader mail: A reader identifying himself as "Johnny Carwash" writes, "I'm a huge Elvis Costello fan, and I'm always amazed by how much he's on Dave. EC and Burt Bacharach, EC and the Jazz Passengers, EC and the Fairfield 4, etc. Is there some connection? Is Dave or Paul a big fan or something?" Steady yourself, Mr. Carwash -- Elvis is in the building again tonight ... Guardian sent along a great Web site with Howard Stern show sounds and images, including samples of notorious media prankster Captain Janks: ... Hanno Mueller confirmed that the Conan O'Brien's interview with Harald Schmidt went so poorly because of the translators. O'Brien did make a cultural joke: "Yeah, it's great here in Germany," he told Schmidt. "I had a Coke and after the show, I'll go to McDonald's and have dinner" ... The show visit reports continue! Longtime reader Stephen Pace took a budget flight from Houston to attend a "Late Show" taping last week. "My friend and I had tickets #3 and #4. The kid directly behind me was the audience kid that Dave threw the ham to six months to a year ago and dropped it. (Dave then made fun of him the rest of the show.) He apparently comes to the show every few months either on standby or gets tickets from friends. Anyway, Dave's bodyguard surveyed the line and had an intern come out and tell them that even though they had tickets #5 and #6, they would have to be in the balcony because the guy remembered the kid from previous visits and said he came too much. They protested, and after we filed in, they seated the *entire* front of the line in the balcony ... One intern said, "Balcony seats are the best seats in the house"; another said, "We always seat the early guests in the balcony" -- which unless there was a change from two years ago is crap. ... "New from my visit two years ago: People in line get Snickers. Ticket stubs now get you a free drink at the Hello Deli. I had to wait two to three months for the tickets, confirming the general consenus that the wait has gotten smaller. But Mujibur and Sirajul still hang out at Rock America." ... And Lisa Davis writes, "As I type this, I'm watching super weasel Marv Albert on 'The Late Show With David Letterman.' It's a toss-up as to which famous convicted litigant this week was the least remorseful: Albert or Louise Woodward. Particularly disturbing was Marv's diatribe against feminist attorneys which proved how little respect he has for female victims of sexual assaults. Still, I was impressed by Dave's questions, which were tough but funny. I would appreciate Dave, Barbara Walters and Larry King all giving equal time to Marv's victim, Vanessa Perhach. And Albert should not be allowed to appear in the media until he has had a suitable amount of therapy to realize, and feel contrition, for his criminal behavior." *** Tom Heald's THIS NIGHT IN HISTORY Exclusive to LATE SHOW NEWS tomalhe@aol.com Tu 11/18: In 1986, Jack Paar is a guest on "The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson." After one of Paar's long, long spiels, Carson wonders, "Why is it that I feel I'm guesting on *your* show?" We 11/19: In 1977, frequent "Saturday Night Live" host Buck Henry needs help interpreting a disturbing dream and seeks it from Futaba -- "Samurai Psychiatrist." After Fatuba slices two oranges off a small tree, Henry makes the self-diagnosis, "castration complex." Th 11/20: In 1975, Generalissimo Francisco Franco dies, an event which, in one month, will give "Saturday Night Live's" Chevy Chase one of his most memorable "Weekend Update" punchlines. Fr 11/21: In 1944, Harold Ramis is born. Ramis was "SCTV's" original station manager (Green was kidnapped in 1978 and the position was filled by Catherine O'Hara's "Edith Prickley"). Sa 11/22: In 1996, thinking he was being hoodwinked, David Letterman offers "a million damn dollars" for a CBS Mail Bag participant to prove his name is Sivareddy Gotike on "Late Show with David Letterman." Su 11/23: In 1985, Pee Wee Herman hosts "Saturday Night Live." The cast finally seems hip by comparison. Mo 11/24: In 1978, David Letterman makes the first of 27 appearances performing standup comedy on the "Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson." Says Letterman of his performance: "I did it and it worked beyond my wildest dreams, and I sat down and Johnny Carson is sitting right there and you're just talking and talking and praying to God it's over soon, and you're looking around and you're seeing stuff that you've seen on TV for years. And you can't let yourself think for a second, or you know, your head would explode, So you're talking and talking and talking and just praying, Oh please go to a commercial, please go to a goddamn commercial! And the next thing you know you're out of there and it's just, Holy Christ, I was on the 'Tonight' show". Corrections department: Last week, we typoed that Magic Johnson's interview with Arsenio Hall occurred in 1990. It should have read 1991 -- the same year, incidentally, that the Army movie "G.I. Jane" was released. [Thanks to Frank Serpas III, and believe it or not, Bill Carter. Special thanks to the Donz5, host of "Stump PANTSMon."] Find out how many ways Tom Heald can say "LOL" as the new host of Late Show Online's "Top Ten Lightning Round" Wednesday nights at 10 ET on America Online at Keyword : Late Show. THE LINEUPS with Sue Trowbridge LATE SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN, CBS Tu 11/18 Tom Arnold, Elvis Costello We 11/19 Sigourney Weaver, David Brenner, Trisha Yearwood Th 11/20 Danny DeVito, Sarah Michelle Gellar, cast of Broadway musical "The Lion King" Fr 11/21 Kirstie Alley, Anfernee Hardaway Mo 11/24 John Cusack, Natalie Portman, the cast of "Stomp" with Lee Evans Tu 11/25 Marisa Tomei, food artist Joost Elffers We 11/26 Anthony Edwards THE TONIGHT SHOW WITH JAY LENO, NBC Tu 11/18 John Cusack, Traci Lords, Jamiroquai We 11/19 Donald Trump, Mia Kirshner Th 11/20 Yanni Fr 11/21 Dana Carvey, Garth Brooks Mo 11/24 Martha Stewart, Enrique Iglesias Tu 11/25 Roma Downey We 11/26 TBA Th 11/27 Bird impressionist Ralph Duren, Helena Bonham Carter LATE LATE SHOW WITH TOM SNYDER, CBS Mo 11/17 Bonnie Hunt, Carl Hiaasen Tu 11/18 Seymour Hersh We 11/19 Judge Judy Sheindlin Th 11/20 George Hamilton Fr 11/21 Richard Preston LATE NIGHT WITH CONAN O'BRIEN, NBC Mo 11/17 Richard Harris, Jake Johannsen, Vivica A. Fox (R 2/14/97) Tu 11/18 Sam Donaldson & Cokie Roberts, Carrot Top, Jackson Browne We 11/19 Denis Leary Th 11/20 Terry Jones Fr 11/21 Sheryl Crow LATER, NBC This week: Cindy Crawford with guests TBA CHARLIE ROSE, PBS This week: Charlie Rose with guests TBA! POLITICALLY INCORRECT WITH BILL MAHER, ABC Tu 11/18 Jason Alexander, Gail O'Grady, Laura Ingraham, Alicia Witt We 11/19 David Mamet, Joseph Califano Jr., Kathy Najimy, Michael Moore Th 11/20 Shawn Colvin, Tom Arnold, Ann Coulter, Peter Bogdanovich Fr 11/21 Naomi Judd, Howie Mandel, Laura Ingraham, Laura Ingraham (Okay, I made up those last two.) VIBE TV, syndicated Tu 11/18 Fran Drescher, Walter Mercado, Somethin' For The People We 11/19 KC & The Sunshine Band, Teena Marie, The Ohio Players Th 11/20 George Hamilton, Rakim Fr 11/21 Jamiroquai KEENEN IVORY WAYANS, syndicated Tu 11/18 Miguel Nunez, Alexandra Paul, Sheryl Lee Ralph, Lisa Stansfield We 11/19 Lennox Lewis, George Lopez, God's Property Th 11/20 Jesse Jackson, Carmen Electra, Kerri Strug, the cast of "Rent" Fr 11/21 George Wallace, EPMD, Leah Remini Mo 11/24 Johnnie Cochran, Talisa Soto, LL Cool J plus Method and Redman Tu 11/25 Kelsey Grammer, Michael Boatman, Dr. Drew Pinsky & Adam Carolla, LSG HOWARD STERN, E! Tu 11/18 David Lee Roth's New Book Pt 2/Scott Salem's Push-Ups, Cory Feldman's Dad Part 2 (R) We 11/19 Hank Missed The Billboard Awards, Sinbad (R) Th 11/20 Guy Wears Lingerie & Buys Porno, Keanu Reeves & Dogstar Part 1 (R) Fr 11/21 Puerto Ricans And NASA, Keanu Reeves & Dogstar Part 2 (R) Sa 11/22 Monica Shows Her Implants (R), Lisa The Lifeguard (R) THE DAILY SHOW, Comedy Central Tu 11/18 TBA We 11/19 Bill Murray, part 2 Th 11/20 Denis Leary SPACE GHOST COAST TO COAST, Cartoon Network Fr 11/21 John Henson, Bob Goen Fr 11/28 (pre-empted) Also check out for a video preview of the next episode. DIE HARALD SCHMIDT SHOW, SAT.1 Di 18/11 Der Wolf, Gaby Hauptmann Mi 19/11 Ottfried Fischer, Michael Mittermeier Do 20/11 Peter Hahne Fr 21/11 Christian Ulmen, Linda de Mol Also on late nights: NIGHTLINE and WORLD NEWS NOW, ABC CHARLES GRODIN, CNBC MAD TV, Fox SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE, NBC (this season) and Comedy Central (classics) THE RUPAUL SHOW, VH1 LOVELINE and ODDVILLE MTV, MTV UP TO THE MINUTE, CBS NIGHTSIDE, NBC Entire contents Copyright 1997 by Aaron Barnhart. All rights reserved. Some portions Copyright 1997 The Kansas City Star. Current e-mail circulation: 11,128 subscribers in 53 countries. Guest lineups are updated throughout the week by Sue Trowbridge at LATE SHOW NEWS is made possible with the generous assistance of ECHO, New York City's premiere online service. Send news for and comments about this newsletter to aaron@tvbarn.com